Dead Guys and Dumbasses

I’ll say it has!

Here at Dumbass News, we go to great lengths to bring you some of the most idiotic, but true, stories to be found on the internet. And believe you me, plagiarizing some one else’s work researching our topics ain’t as easy as it used to be. (remember we are dumbasses here) Plagiarism Diligent research is how we came across this story. In New York City, driving around town is no picnic and finding a parking space when you arrive at your destination can be very educational. Educational meaning the children in the car with you at that time will learn cuss words and expletives that would make Gordon Ramsey blush. Therefore, when you find a prime parking spot, you’d better hang on to it. And be sure to keep the parking meter fed so you don’t end up with a parking citation that will cost you an arm and a leg. Twenty-one year old Nicholas Rappold came up with a novel way to stake claim to his parking place. He died at the wheel of his car in a parking place! Ya gotta give Nic credit, he is, or rather was, very creative in staking claim to his favorite parking place. Now, Nic isn’t the main dumbass in this saga. The main dumbass in this little diddy is a cop. Not just any cop, though, the cop who issued a parking ticket to a dead man! The New York Daily News picks it up from there, “Police said the vehicle’s windows were heavily tinted and the parking enforcement officer was unable to see inside. Rappold’s body was discovered by a friend about an hour after the ticket was issued.” This statement reeks of dumbassery. The windows were tinted and the parking cop couldn’t see inside is a (pun intended) cop out. Where do the parking cops normally put a citation on a car when they are violating parking laws? The front windshield! And the front windshield cannot, by law, be over-tinted, dumbass. Look in the front windshield! The moment you see a motionless man slumped over the steering wheel of a car, something is out of ordinary. The slumped over man could be sleeping or drunk or, you know, DEAD! Either of these circumstances should arouse at least a modicum of suspicion, unless you are a NYC parking officer. In that case, you just wait for an hour and the dead guy’s friend, who happened by, will tell you, “Officer, my friend may be late in paying his parking fine. He’s dead.” The parking dumbass replies, “Good! He won’t park here again on my watch!” No shit, Sherlock. Remember our recent story about the guy passing $100 bills with Abe Licnoln’s(!) picture on them to dozens of business and the only one smart enough to see that the bills were fake was a bartender? I suggested sending the dumbasses that took the phony bills go to bartending school to learn about counterfeit money.In this case, maybe all parking cop trainees should be sent to a Coroner School for dumbasses so they can tell whether it’s a dead guy , or not who is illegally parked. Not that it matters to the dead guy. By the way, (I am not making this up), the dead guy is off the hook for a hefty parking fine. The City dropped the charges. How sporting of them.

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