Dumbass Vampires!

There is evidently an upswing in vampirism in the United States. A bing search of the term “vampires in the usa” yielded an incredible 57,470,000 results, where “dumbasses in the usa” yielded only 287,000 results. Personally, having traveled this country from coast to coast and from Canada to Mexico, I feel like dumbasses have been short changed. I have met thoudsands of dumbasses, but not one vampire. It follows, according to my experience, that all vampires are dumbasses, but not all dumbasses are vampires. Today’s little excursion into dumbassery involves a dumbass, who is not a vampire, and two dumbass vampires.

Here’s the deal: This 25 year old guy, Robert Maley, has two roommates who are vampires. He knew this little tidbit of information when they all became roommates. As a matter of fact, Maley had, at least once, allowed his roomies to drink his blood! At this point, I think it’s safe to say that Maley is a dumbass. I have a saying that goes like this: “feed ’em and they come back”. Until now, I was referring to animals and people. If you leave food for a wild animal of any kind, squirrels, raccoons, birds, etc., then they will return to the place where the easy grub was. Same goes for vampires…give ’em just one teensy taste of your blood and they want more! Just ask Robert Maley. Recently when his dumbass vampire friends wanted to have another sip of his blood, he said “no”. Well…being the good dumbass vampires they are, Robert’s friends would not take “no” for an answer. So one them stabbed him for making fun of him (the dumbass friend) for being a vampire. I gotta admit that is one way to get blood from an unwilling party. That is also a felony! It ends up that Robert Maley was treated for his wounds and the two dumbass vampire friends were treated like felons, earning free room and board at the county lockup, with a stay at the State Pen not too far into the future.To top it all off, Maley was arrested for a probation violation, thus cementing his place in dumbassery.

All of this took place in Arizona, which is a great place to live…unless you are a dumbass vampire. Or a dumbass who knowingly lives with vampires, which has got to suck.  🙂

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