Here at Dumbass News we pride ourselves in the fact that we find the cream of the crop of dumbassery. Well, that and the fact that we haven’t been caught plagiarising other peoples’ work – yet. But that’s a story for another day. We at Dumbass News also bring to you the World’s Greatest Dumbasses on riding lawnmowers. And after much research, we have expanded our Dumbasses on Lawn Care Machines to include Dumbasses on Golf Carts! Our next entry in this category, hopefully, will be Dumbasses on HoverRounds.
Anyway, back to the golf carts and the dumbasses who drive them. The Villages is a retirement community down in Marion County, Florida. In other words, old, rich, white people live there, play golf, tennis and other sissy sports like badminton and croquet. One of the old, rich, white guys who lives at The Villages is Bob McNicol. Bob’s golf cart was stolen from his old, rich, white guy home by some not-so-rich, fat white guy. The not-so-rich fat white guy then went on a crime spree while driving the golf cart! This guy is in the Dumbass Hall of Fame by virtue of stealing stuff while on a stolen golf cart. Brilliant! The fat guy then drives the golf cart to a nearby shopping center and burglarizes a shed belonging to a restaurant at the shopping center. What does he steal from the shed? $240 worth of cooking oil! All I can figure is that the guy is planning a helluva chicken fry or he has one of those greenie weenie cars that runs on vegetable oil. I’m going with the chicken fry at this time because fat white guys don’t drive greenie weenie cars that run of vegetable oil. They do, however, eat a shitload of fried chicken. After heaping praise on this dumbass for his ingenuity, he does something that proves he’s just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill fat dumbass when he broke into a storage shed that belongs to a VA Hospital, where the dumbass took some cleaning supplies, a shovel and a ladder. I imagine that some of the guys at the VA Hospital have some creative uses for cleaning supplies, a shovel, a ladder and the thief’s anal cavity. But that’s just an educated guess on my part.
Be on the look out for a fat white guy in a blue shirt and blue shorts (that describes half the white guy population of Florida) who’s driving a white and tan EZ Go golf cart with a US Army sticker on the windshield. If you should see this man, confront him, beat the hell out of him and then call the VA Hospital for clever ways to shove cleaning supplies, a shovel and a ladder up his sorry thieving ass.
Hat tip to msnbc.com