In our never-ending quest to find dumbassery from around the world, we decided once again to focus on the Fruited Plains. America is the greatest country is the history of history, but a country as diverse as ours, with a population of over 300,000,000 people, is destined to have its fair share of dumbasses. And we do. I can name you 535 of biggest dumbasses in the country right now and they are all in one place, Washington, D.C. In your local government you’ll find a shitload of dumbasses, too. I can prove it, too, no matter what state you live in. For example, in:
Kansas: In Wichita, for example, it’s against the law to carry a concealed bean snapper!
DN: I have been to Wichita, and let me tell you, you just never know when you are gonna be attacked by a giant bean that needs snapping. In my opinion, this is a just step closer to potato peeler control, and they can have my potato peeler when they pry it from my cold dead hands! Dumbasses.
Kentucky: A person is considered sober until he/she “can no longer hold on to the ground.”
DN: Kentucky is now in the Top 5 of places I want to live. This is a great law for guys like me. I have been drunk many times in my 54 years (I am not proud of it, but it’s the truth) and I have never once failed to hold on to the ground. No matter how hard I fell.
Louisiana: I love Looziana. The people, the food, the topless bars…But seriously, folks, Looziana is great place, but it is not exempt from having dumbasses in its midst. Take this for example: In the Big Easy (New Orleans), firetrucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.
DN: To my way of thinking, that’s a good thing if the firetruck is not on an emergency call. But if the firetruck is headed to fire, this ain’t such a hot idea. <—I made a funny. But nothing would surprise me coming from a city where tens of thousands of people elect to stay in the path of a Category 5 hurricane after several days of being told to get the fuck outta town! Dumbasses.
Maine: In a town about 20 miles up I-95 from my house , Waterville, it’s illegal for a person to blow his nose in public.
DN: Next thing you know they’ll outlaw scratching your gazebos in public. Dumbasses.
Maryland: In Baltimore, it’s illegal to scrub or wash sinks no matter how dirty they may be.
DN: I have heard stories about Baltimore and this doesn’t surprise me.
I think with the above information, it’s safe to say that there are many dumbasses to go around in our nation. That reminds me. Don’t forget to vote tomorrow.