A New Feature! Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!

Today we are gonna change directions a bit and not appoint a Dumbass of the Day, rather we shall explore some actual newspaper headlines that take “dumbass” to a new level. Let me state up front that I got these dumbass headlines in an email from my Mother, who taught me about the dangers of dumbass at a very young age. The woman knows dumbass when she sees it and you won’t be disappointed with what you are about to read. Thank, Mom! These are actual headlines that have appeared in newspapers across the country.

Headline: “Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says”
DN: No shit, Sherlock. C’mon, fellas, next time try the positive approach to a tragedy like a jet crash. For instance, “Something Went Right in Jet Crash That Killed 260 People”. Dumbasses.

Headline: “Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers”
DN: That’ll teach the bastards!

Headline: “Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over”
DN: Ain’t that illegal?

Headline: “J**u**venile Court to Try Shooting Defendant”
DN: The next headline would be: “Crime Rates Plummet”. Enuff said.

Headline: “Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges”
DN: What? You dumbasses ran out of Super Glue?

Headline: “Kids Make Nutritious Snacks”
DN: Especially with salt and mustard.

Headline: “Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead”
DN: I got nothin’.

Now, wasn’t that fun? Just think, for those headlines to actually make it to print, they had to get past several layers of editors who supposedly were proofreading the copy. Dumbasses. Is it any wonder that bird cage liners are going belly up all over the place?

I think we’ll do this feature on a recurring basis. It was fun. If you come across a dumbass headline from a paper in your town, email it to me a realdumbassnews AT g mail DOT  com.

***(Hat tip: My Mom)***

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