|Getaway Car for Dumbasses|
Here we go again. Another dumbass committing a crime and trying to make his getaway on a riding lawnmower! We have covered dumbasses on riding lawnmowers before. Today’s dumbass continues that tradition amongst dumbasses. A tradition that only dumbasses enjoy.
Ricky New of Aiken, South Carolina is the latest dumb fuck to pull this stunt. Our man Ricky recently went into a convenience store armed not with a gun or knife, but a stick! That earns Ricky one dumbass point right there. Once in the store, Ricky pulls his stick and tells the clerks to “Give me your damn money”, which is not the Christian way to pull a robbery. He should have said “Please give me your damn money”. As you can see, it’s hard to find a quality convenience store robber these days. Anyway, Ricky yanks out his stick., forgets to say “please” and starts beating a female clerk with his weapon. After getting his booty, Ricky hops onto his Craftsman riding mower and , zooms would be the wrong word to use here, sputters off in hopes of outrunning a high performance police car. Dumbass.
I know this will be difficult to believe, but Ricky had a rather impressive rap sheet and was well-known to the Aiken PD. Yes, I’m afraid it’s true. Ricky is a repeat offender and a dumbass. Go figure. Anyway, a short time later, the cops caught up with Ricky and his getaway mower and invited him to have coffee and donuts at the Aiken Crossbar Hilton. Not really. They just busted him and threw him in a cell after being charged with assault and battery and armed robbery. No word on what happened to the stick or if Ricky offered to mow the grounds around the Police department.
Here’s to hoping that while he’s in prison, that Ricky catches the eye of our adopted delon Leon “Hung Like a Stallion” Williams. it sounds like a match made in Heaven, doesn’t it? After all, Leon gives free lessons in “How to Drop the Soap”. Ricky will be thrilled I’m sure.