|Hold on tight, Jody.***|
Let me warn you up front, there is going to be some very vulgar language in this post. Short of taking the Lord’s name in vain, the subject of this post is infinitely more vile and disgusting than any colloquialism or “colorful metaphor” that I could conjure up. If you’ve got the balls to read on, please do. If not, tough shit. I don’t say that to insult you. If you read on, you’ll be as spark-spittin’ mad as I am. Today is only the third day of 2011 and if I come across another post this year that even comes near the level of making me want to puke that this one does, I’ll sing ‘Boomer Sooner”, naked in downtown Norman, Oklahoma and give you an hour to draw a crowd.
Let the verbal barbecue and emasculation of Jody Bennett begin in earnest. Jody Bennett is a dumbass. A major league, certified, undeniable dumbass. And then some. Why would I say such things about Jody? Because it’s true. Want proof? OK. Prepare to be ass kickin’ mad. Jody was attending the wake for 17 year old Bradley McCombs, a friend of the Bennett family. Bradley, like millions of other 17 year olds around the world, loved to play video games. So much so that when he was tragically killed in a Christmas morning car accident and subsequently prepared for burial, his beloved Game Boy was put in the coffin with Bradley, to be buried with him. Enter Jody Bennett. This piece of possum shit, who is 37 years old by the way, stole the Game Boy from the dead kid’s casket! Are you mad yet? I am just getting warmed up. Bradley’s uncle saw Bennett steal the Game Boy and confronted him outside the funeral home and Bennett returned the Game Boy. The police were called and Bennett was carted off to the Indiana County, Montgomery Township, Pennsylvania jail, where there is, hopefully, a close relative of Leon ‘Hung Like A Horse” Williams incarcerated as well. Hey, Jody, learn to squeal real good, boy. Even really bad men don’t like dumbasses who steal from the dead…at their wake especially! Jody Bennett, future prison bitch, has been charged with theft, desecration of a venerated object and abuse of a corpse. I’m confident that the charge of being a lower than worm shit dumbass will be added to the others.
You think that Jody’s fucked up? Check out what his mother had to say about the incident. She apologized to the McCombs family and said she suspects the theft was a result of her son’s alcohol and drug problem. She said she had also lost a son in a car crash 12 years ago.”It just makes me heartsick for the family because I know how I would feel,” she told the AP. “I never thought he would stoop that low.” So Jody is a victim. because he drinks and does drugs? Listen to me lady. I have drunk enough alcohol to float the State of Pennsylvania. And I am not proud to say that short of using needles, I have partaken of some fine narcotics in my lifetime. I can honestly say, that despite my knack for “having fun” or better yet, being a dumbass, not one single, solitary time that I was blasted out of my mind, did I ever steal a damn dime from anybody, MUCH LESS THE DEAD! Fuck your lowlife knob-gobbler of a son. That bastard deserves a fate befitting the indignity he has heaped upon a dead 17 year old boy, his grieving family and most importantly, God Himself. If that sissy ass punk was in Texas, which I wish he was, he would have to send his soul to Heaven because his ass would be mine. I hope that Jody the Jackoff suffers anguish for the rest of the miserable life that he has left. God will be far more lenient than I on the dumbass cock sucker, and he’s damn lucky that that is the case.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rinse my eyes out with bleach because they were dirtied by the sight of the name Jody Bennett, a man who gives dumbasses a bad name. Fucking vermin. Have a nice day.
(hat tip aolnews)