I Hear the train a’comin’, It’s rollin’ round the bend…

The sheer volume of dumbass things the human race  is capable of doing is kind of like a number line in math class; there is no end. Ad infinitum, into infinity it goes. 2011 is only twenty-four days old and already we’ve got probably a dozen candidates for Dumbass of the Year. It never ceases to amaze me and it makes for an endless supply of material for this blog. Thanks, dumbasses!

For the sheer danger quotient of the video you’ll see in a minute, it’s an incredible sight to see. That same risk factor, however, proves that the young man in the clip is an honest to goodness dumbass. No questions asked. End of story.

This guy is certifiable. He did this for a thrill? For attention? What else could it be for? He lost a bet to his buddy? I am seriously at a loss. I guess the thing that worries me most about this stunt is that the dumbass survived! His survival virtually ensures that this shit for brains will some day procreate! This must not be allowed to happen! His progeny in the gene pool also ensures an endless supply of dumbasses for generations to come. On the bright side, I know of a way that we can prevent this man from ever making a single baby! Yes, friends, not only am I the Head Dumbass here, I am the resident Fearless Leader. That’s why I make the big bucks. Anyway, the solution to this man ever making a baby with a woman, or a test tube for that matter, is right in front of our faces. It’s so simple, it’s pure genius. Get one of this guy’s friends to go with him when he wants to do this stunt again and have the dumbass lay across the train tracks! Train roars by. Dumbass cut into three or more pieces. No little dumbasses running around! Is that brilliant or what? I amaze even myself sometimes.

I urge you not to try this at home, unless you are a dumbass who plans on having children. Then, by all means, give it a whirl. But remember, the trick is to lay across the tracks. Any dumbass can let the train pass right over them without risk of injury. You non-dumbasses will thank me later.

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