Today on Dumbass News we have a rare treat for you. Hold on to your hats because today we have for your reading pleasure a Dumbass Daily Double! Yes, friends, today’s post has twice the dumbassery as your regular Dumbass News post, with twice the hilarity! Since today is Friday, this is doubly exciting! So grab that cup of coffee and brace yourself for all the
bullshit fun, froth and frivolity of a Dumbass Daily Double!
Today’s foray into the World of Dumbass takes place in the Mile High City of Denver, Colorado. A dumbass who shall remain nameless (Terry Bannick) is a man without a home…other than his Ford truck, which is a lot better than other homeless dumbasses. Not that all homeless people are dumbasses, but the homeless do have their share of dumbasses just like the homed (?) population. But, I digress. So, Terry the Homeless Dumbass is asleep in the back of his truck, which has a camper shell on it by the way, or as it is known in the homeless community, a “condo”, when all of the sudden he hears the motor of his truck come to life! Horror of horrors, another dumbass was stealing Terry’s
condo truck! Terry had left the keys to his truck in the ignition! Anyway, Terry calls the cops on his cell phone to report the theft of his truck, but because he’s in the camper shell part of the truck, he can’t pinpoint his location so the local fuzz can help him out. meanwhile Dumbass #2, the truck thief, was ignoring Terry as he (Terry) told him (Dumbass #2) that he was on the phone with the cops. Dumbass #2 is finally busted when the truck runs out of gas, Terry is saved and the homeless in Denver rejoice. The truck thief was charged with auto theft and, as if you hadn’t guessed by now, possession of marijuana. Who’d have thunk it? A thief busted doing something dumbass while in possession of a controlled substance. Terry was charged with being a dumbass living in the camper shell on his truck and a homeless dipshit for possessing a cell phone. I made that part up.
All’s well that ends well, they say. Terry gets to keep his cell phone and his “condo”, the stoned bad guy dumbass is in the Denver County Crossbar Hilton and the homeless population of the Mile High City has a new Homeless Hero in Terry the Dumbass. The End.