As I have previously mentioned, the dumbass is strong in our country, and no state is immune from it. The dumbass infects people at a rate H1N1 only wishes it could. Today’s dumbass story comes from California, Pennsylvania. When I saw the word “California”, that’s a red flag lit up by neon right there. I know that’s a terrible assumption to make, but hey, California has brought it upon itself for being the Dumbass Capital of the World. But, I digress. Back to Pennsylvania…the dumbass antagonist in our story today attends California University of Pennsylvania, a dumbass name for a college in and of itself. What’s their mascot, the Fighting Dumbasses? Actually the school’s mascot has something to do with either fire or Vulcans, I can’t figure out what the hell it is. At any rate, this young man, whom we’ll call Dumbass College Guy, helps keep school spirit up by dressing as Vulcan the Fire god and zis boom ba-ing his way into the hearts of his fellow students and alumni. Except when he veers off into arson.
Yes, Dumbass College Guy is an arsonist. That’s the last thing I would when I see some dumbass dressed up as the god of FIRE! And Dumbass College Guy doesn’t let us down. During the school’s homecoming parade, Dumbass College Guy, dressed in full god of FIRE regalia, had too much time on his hands when the old arson bug bit him. So, as any arsonist worth his accelerants would do, Dumbass College Guy turned arsonist, lit one of the floats in the homecoming parade on fire! Assuming Dumbass College Guy thought he could get away with this dastardly deed, what was he gonna do? Go on the lam? In a god of fire outfit? I’ve got this crazy hunch that there are not too many other dumbasses in California, Pennsylvania running around in god of fire outfits. But that’s just me.
It goes with saying, that Dumbass College Guy Turned Arsonist was apprehended very quickly. Upon his arrest, a university spokes-dumbass said that Dumbass College Guy Turned Arsonist, was sent to a “medical facility”. Ya think? Then she goes on to say that Dumbass College Guy Turned Arsomist was a well-liked member of the student community, etc., nevermind that pesky arson incident. Now Dumbass College Guy Turned Arsonist will have plenty of time on his hands to set fire to prison inmate Leon the Lifer, who just loves to have his wick lit.