Bank Says Woman is Dead – She Says, "I’m Not Either!", Files Suit

Dead to me.

Her bank says she’s dead, so she must be, right? Wrenella Pierre says the rumors of her demise are greatly exaggerated. She’s even filed a lawsuit saying so. Let me splain.

According to JP Morgan Chase Bank in Oviedo, Florida met an untimely death. They sent her family a note of condolence, notified credit reporting agencies, etc. Mrs. Pierre has tried on several occasions to get the bank to fix the problem, but so far nothing has worked. Dumbasses. Since JP Morgan Chase Bank won’t recognize her as not dead, Wrenella says her credit rating has gone to hell. Quick question. How can a dead person (or presumably dead person) have their credit ruined, and further, why and how can it matter to them if they are DEAD? But, I digress. At any rate, Wrenella Pierre keeps telling JP Morgan Chase Bank, “Hey! Look at me! I am NOT dead!” The bank, however, insists that she is dead. Just ask her. Mrs. Pierre has now hired an attorney to help her fix this situation, but so far, no luck. She’s still dead.

You’d think that solving a problem like this would be fairly easy to do. The bank says you’re dead, you say, “No, I’m not”, go to the bank, show them your ID and you are indeed still alive and a few comouter keystrokes and BINGO! All is well and everyone lives happily ever after. Alas, this is not the case with Wrenella Pierre. I have an idea that could clear up this whole mess in about five minutes. Wrenella should go buy a couple of $100,000 Mercedes, miss a payment or two and the dipshits at JP Morgan Chase Bank will know you’re still alive right quick. I promise.

Dumbasses.

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