One Man’s Trash is Another Man’s Felony

“Oh, look, copper pipes!”

Other than Texas and a handful of other states, this country is in a recession. I know that you know that, I just bring it up to show you what lengths dumbasses will go to in order to make a few bucks. Maybe you’ve read recently about an abnormal number of copper thefts around the USA. Some dumbasses steal copper piping and sell it on the Black Market and make a quite a sum of money. That’s at least “understandable”…and it’s obviously doable and profitable. However, even the criminal element in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave has lowered the bar of criminal standards…at least in Peabody, Massivetwoshits.

Dumbass thieves in Peabody have been stealing…wait…for…it…dumpsters! Unlike copper pipes, dumpster jacking is not something a couple of drunk Mass-holes can do on a whim. It’s not like they can simply pick up a Dempsey Dumpster and toss it into the back of a Ford pick up truck and drive off. Dumpster thievin’ takes some serious lifting power….perhaps a forklift or a truck from Waste Management. Regardless of how it’s done, these crooks have balls the size of cantaloupes. Or brains the size of peanuts. Take your pick.

This is straight from the UPI story, ” Peabody police, Massachusetts State Police, the office of the Massachusetts attorney general and the Essex district attorney’s office said they are investigating after the 22 to 25 Dumpsters, stolen from more than 10 businesses, were found Aug. 3 at a storage park on Pulaski Street in Peabody, The Boston Globe reported Thursday.” If you’re asking yourself why anyone would even attempt to steal a dumpster, the answer is very simple. The dumpsters are worth about five grand apiece, that’s why. Evidently the bad guys were stealing the the trash bins to start up their own business! Renting out dumpsters! I am not making this up! At least they are entrepreneurial dumbases. The cops have contacted several people, none of whom have been charged in connection with the thefts, and the suspects have retained lawyers. No shit?

Here’s some advice for you wannabe thieves out there. Do not steal dumpsters! Hiding them is like trying to hide an elephant in your bathtub. I have also learned that dumpsters have serial numbers etched on them, so they are easily identified as to whom they belong. Stick with the copper pipes. No serial numbers, no forklift needed and easily hidden or sold. I’m just sayin’.

Remember, one man’s trash is another man’s felony.

Dmbasses.

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