|Accessory to a Crime|
Have you noticed that many of dumbasses reside in the Sunshine State? I don’t know why that is, but it is. On second thought, I do know why that is. It’s because of all the damn Yankees leaving the Northeast and moving down to Florida.We all know that there is no such thing as a Southern Dumbass. Drunk, yes. Dumbass, no. This has been proven by science. OK, I made that last part up, but we know it to be true anyway. Today’s dumbass is obviously a Yankee because no self-respecting Southerner would do something this stoopid. Allow me to elucidate. For all you Yankees in the audience, that means “Let me splain”. Side note: I don’t hate Yankees. I am married to a Yankee woman. I just like raggin’ on Yankees cuz it pisses ’em off. And when a Yankee gets pissed, he/she automatically starts talking like a member of the Sopranos. It’s quite entertaining actually.
Recently, Robert James Luther III (he’s gotta be a Yankee, otherwise he’d be called Bobby Jim or some shit) broke into a vacant house to wait. for. it….do laundry! The fact that he actually committed a crime to do his laundry also leads us to conclude that he’s a Yankee. redneck men always have a woman do their laundry for them – mama, wife, etc. A nearby cop saw Robert force his way into the house and immediately said to himself, “Look! That Yankee guy is breaking into that house!”. So he (the cop) busted Robert on the spot. Robert evidently knew the former tenants of the house, but he did not have permission to enter the premises, therefore he was collared at the scene of the crime.
Advice tom Robert: Son, your in Florida for God’s sake! How hard can it be to find water in which to do your laundry? I bet you there’s even a little old lady that would gladly do your clothes for you, if you offered to say, mow her yard for her. Also, why don’t you just look up your friends that used to live in the house and do your laundry over there? Or, hell, just mug a homeless guy for a few dollars and find your local Laundro-Matic and wash your threads there. The possibilities are endless. But, nooooo, dipshit, you had to go and break the law just to have clean clothes! I guess what I am trying to say, Robert, is next time you need clean clothes so you can hang out and smoke crack underneath an overpass, do it legally!