A Dumbass Story with a Happy Ending!

But I wanted a Mega Millions Ticket!

I was just checking out some stats for this blog and found some pretty neat stuff. I won’t bore you with all the numbers, but I will tell you this: out of almost 400 posts since the first one way back in September of 2010. September 19 to be exact. I bring that up because I don’t recall writing a single dumbass story with a happy ending. Today, I shall do so. Not without reaming some poor dumbass out, but nevertheless the story will have a happy ending, even for the Dumbass of the Day.

Have you ever been in a convenience store to buy a soda, snack or whatever and think, “What the hell, I’ll buy a lottery ticket” just for shits and giggles. You patiently wait your turn, standing behind a homeless guy who smells like the north bound end of a south bound mule and stale Pabst Blue Ribbon, and you have made your choice of which lottery ticket you plan to buy. Then, out of nowhere the homeless dumb fuck pays for his Meister Brau 40 ouncer and discovers that he has a dollar’s worth of change and decides to buy your lottery ticket! what are you supposed to do besides stand in line and buy the next ticket in that bunch? fair enough. But the homeless asshole that bought your lottery ticket, scratches the gray crap from it and wins $500! Your $500! Almost. Wouldn’t you feel, instead, like following him to his homeless guy cardboard box and kcikin’ the living shit out of him? I would. But since that’s not the Christian Attitude, I’d just call him everything but a Child of God and let him go about his merry homeless guy way and celebrate his winnings with other homeless guys. PBR for everyone!

I have actually had this happen to me before but insert “my little brother” for “homeless guy” and the story is basically the same. The little fucker (my brother) bought the ticket I wanted and he ended up winning $500, while I wasted my dollar on a loser. Since I am thirty-three years older than my brother and he was about six years old at the time, I decided that kicking his ass was out of the question.That’s just how I roll. But I know I could’ve taken him out.

Fast forward to today. A little old lady in Georgia stopped by her neighborhood c-store to get her weekly Lotto ticket. However, the Einstein behind the counter (named Habib), a former AOL Customer service rep named Bob, rang up a Powerball ticket instead of the little old lady’s usual Mega Millions. Nobody noticed this fuck up ntil the lady checked her numbers and found out that she didn’t win Mega Millions. Dammit! Upon further review, the lady noticed the difference in the lotto ticket and compared her numbers to the Powerball numbers that night. 16? There it is. 41, 42/ Both there. 50, 59 and Powerball 5 were also there! The lady had just won twenty-five million dollars thanks to a foreign dumbass who speaks little English and reads even less evidently. Ain’t that some shit? I am very happy for the new millionaire lady and I am sure she’s as happy as a pig in shit that things worked out like they did.

Just think about it. the lady is rich, the store that sold her the winning ticket got a nice bonus for doing so and the Federal Gubmint now has another wealthy person to tax the hell out of.

Dumbasses.

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