|Lesbians, Dumbasses & $14 Million a Year|
While am still dealing with my sudden retirement, I thought that writing a good ole Dumbass News story would do me okie dokie.. It always picks me up when I see some dumb bastard whose life is worse than mine. A thought just came to me this very second. This blog is the Jerry Springer Show of the intertubes. Minus the $14 million annual salary. And the lesbians. I need to find a dumbass item featuring lesbians. I like lesbians. As a matter of fact, one of the most beautiful women I know is a lesbian. Well, she switch hits, does that count? Regardless, she is a wonderful human being and I love her dearly.
Once again Florida makes the Dumbass News. I keep tellin’ ’em down there to pass a law banning the people from New Jersey living in the state. But do they listen to me? Hell. No. In a bit of a dumbass twist, our dumbass today is a lifetime guest the Florida Department of Corrections. I won’t mention what he’s in for, but if you knew you’d wanna cut off his gazebos with a dull, rusty butter knife. Also, his crime is not pertinent to the story. To briefly recap: I like lesbians. Jerry Springer makes $14 really big ones a year, too many people from Jersey live in the F-L-A and our dumbass today is a lifer in the Florida DOC.
The dumbass’s complaint with the FDOC is the food the prison serves the inmates. Well, that and he plays Hide the Salami every time he takes a shower. I can’t blame him there. His bitch with the food in prison is soy. Soy this, soy that, soy the other thing. So what does this blight on society and prison party boy do? He sues the Florida Department of Corrections! Copied and pasted straight from the UPI Wire Service: ” inmate Eric Harris, 34, claims the processed and blended soy foods being served to inmates have caused him painful gastrointestinal cramping and threaten the health of his thyroid and immune systems, which he says constitutes cruel and unusual punishment, The Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Sunday”.Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me? I don’t know about you, but if I’m a lifer for what this guy’s in for, soy is the least of my worries. I’m thinking that guys Leon “Hung Like a Horse” Williams (our adopted felon here at Dumbass News) might get a little “frisky” for a new prison bitch and wanna play “house”. My advice to this low life is to do everything possible that would keep him from changing his name from “Eric” to “Erica”. If you know what I mean and I think you do. One more thing, Eric, stuff the soy up your poop chute.
Pond scum, egg suckin’ dumbass.