|Even Dumbasses Love Romance|
Doing this blog pretty much everyday can be a bit difficult sometimes. It takes a lot of time, believe it or not, and a lot of brain power to come up with the Pulitzer-quality material you get here on Dumbass News. For example, who else in the world, out of billions of blogs would even dare to bring you a story about a guy who pisses on chicken? Right in the supermarket! Nobody! That’s who! How ’bout the one where the steals some meat from the market and goes to a nearby bar and tries to sell it? To two guys who work for the supermarket where the dumbass stole the meat! Bwahahahahaha! That’s the quality of “journalism” you’ve come to expect from this blog. Now if you dumbasses would hit the “Donate” button in the right sidebar all would be well in Dumbassville.
A Sissy Dumbass
Not all dumbass thieves are hardened criminals or drunks pissing on yard bird. Some dumbass crooks have a softer side to them. Take, for instance, Dannial Ashley. Please! hahahaha! <—– a little Henny Youngman humor there. It’s easy to tell that Dannial is a sucker for romance simply by looking st his name. His name also proves that he is a dumbass. First, who the hell spells the name “Daniel” like that? No. Damn. Body. And his last name? A dead giveaway. Any male dumbass with the last name “Ashley” is a pussy. It’s a given. The mufugga should change his last name to “Jones” or “Smith” or some shit. “Ashley ain’t cuttin’ the mustard.
At Least He’s the Romantic Type
Our man Dannial here was looking to have a romantic dinner with his
hooker girlfriend celebrating a successful drive-by shooting, so he went to the local grocery store and picked up all the stuff needed for a nice, cozy candlelight dinner with her. The problem is, Dannial neglected to go through the checkout lane! Nothing says “i love you” like a candlelight dinner consisting of stolen property. It’s gettin’ to the point these days that romantic felon can’t even enjoy a pilfered supper with his hooker girlfriend anymore. what’s up with that shit? It’s probably just as well. Dannial had stuffed his booty next to his booty! And his gazebos! Yes, friends, this dumbass had stuffed the food down his pants in order to make an escape. Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a slight aversion to eating food that has been stuffed in a man’s pants right next to his gazebos. I want smell a perfectly cooked steak that smells like a perfectly cooked steak, not crotch rot. But that’s just me.
No Romance Tonight
Remember up there ^^^^ when I said I knew this moron was a pussy simply by looking at his name? Ladies and gentlemen, and I use those terms loosely, here’s proof: while trying to absconded with his ill-gotten gain, Dannial was chased down by some grocery store employees! What kind of self-respecting felon would ever, I mean ever get busted by guys working for a grocery store? Think about it. Imagine, if you will, the supermarket in your neighborhood. Is one, single employee there that could catch a felon worth his weight in stolen hubcaps in a foot race? I rest my case. Dannial Ashley is a pussy. He gives candlelight dinner thieves all over the world a bad name. Shame on you, Dannial. Shame on you.