Leon, Our Adopted Felon Says Merry Christmas!

Here’s some more Christmas cheer from last year. For those who are late to the Dumbass party, this is your chance to learn about Leon, the Adopted Felon of Dumbass News. After reading this post, you will not only know what kind of dumbass Leon is, but you, too, will love him to pieces. Ladies and gentlemen, Leon, Adopted Felon of Dumbass News.

 As we enter the home stretch for Christmas and the insanity only intensifies, I thought it would be a good time to bring you some news that will undoubtedly brighten your day. Better still, if you get down in the mouth or bored at the job, you can always return to this page, read this story once (or twice) more and, like magic, you will be uplifted all over again! Let’s shake off that Christmas anxiety with this item guaranteed to bring a smile to your otherwise I-look-like-I-just-found-out-that-my-wife-threw-away-a-winning-SuperLotto-ticket-worth-$60-million face. Onward and upward we go. :

  • Our inspirational tale comes to us from Waco. For those of you who are not familiar with Waco, it is a very conservative town. Waco is home to Baylor University, the oldest university in Texas, and Baylor is a Baptist college, i.e., Waco is a very conservative city. Knowing this is true, to me at least, means that if you ever have to go through the criminal justice system, chances are that the jury of your peers hearing your case would be made up of very conservative (read: law and order types) people. To not realize this fact, you would have to be a dumbass. Leon Willis Wilkerson, 55, is a dumbass of the highest order. I mean this guy was beat with the Dumbass Stick. A lot. Here’s why : Leon has been through courts in McClennan County before – to the tune of twelve(!) misdemeanors and eight felonies! But, wait! There’s more! Our new friend Leon is a smoker. He was jonesing for a butt so bad, he stole a carton of cigarettes from a local store in Waco and got busted. This time, Leon’s journey through the legal system ended quite badly for him. Ol’ Leon ran into a jury of nice, conservative Baptists and those 12 people were nice enough to slap Mr. Wilkerson with 99 years in prison! For a carton of smokes! How dare they! Oh, wait. There were those eight other pesky felonies and twelve misdemeanors Leon had racked up. Being the nice, conservative Baptist people that they are, they determined Leon to be a habitual criminal – hence 99 years in the slammer. That’s 9.9 years per pack of Newports there, Leon.  I have a sneaky feeling that Leon will be smoking in prison, but it won’t be Newports, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Dumbass.

This little anecdote should be your inspiration to have a great pre-Christmas Tuesday. Your boss may suck, you may be extremely tired or you could be suffering from allergies or something, but things could be worse. You could be Leon. And Leon is a dumbass.

(hat tip to KDFW-TV, Dallas)

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