|A Minefield in Waiting|
I woke up this morning in hopes of it all being a bad dream, a side trip to the Twilight Zone. Alas, it was not to be. It was real. As real as the credit card bills sure to follow. Now that’s real.
I am talking about this morning, the day after Christmas. I was awakened like somebody took a Louisville Slugger to my skull. Pow! Right in the kisser! Actually it was Bailey the 4 Year Old with a still-unwrapped, fresh, new toy from Santa. In a minute or two, she brought in another one. Then another one. Goodbye, nice, warm, comfy fancy schmancy bed, hello cold as hell downstairs computer chair and the real world. Once downstairs, I skillfully navigated a veritable minefield of Christmas toys scattered about the living room, stumbling over a Hot Wheels Race Track but gracefully maintaining my balance like I meant to do it. Ha! Pure luck and like the old saying goes, “I’d rather be lucky than good any day.”
Nice People and a Blue Streak
Today’s story takes place in, of all the places on Earth, in Ogden, Utah. Utah has got to have the sweetest people in the world living there. If a Utahn says,”Oh, darn it!”, he has cussed up a blue streak according to the Sweetest People in the World Utah Almanac, Chapter 2, “Cussing Up a Blue Streak in Utah”. You can only imagine the scorn heaped upon a Utahn if he were to blurt out “boobie” or something. It’s not a pretty sight, I can assure you. Anyway, on to the story.
These two guys in Ogden were not members of the Sweetest People in the World Club, they were thieves. The guys got busted for doing their Christmas shoplifting early this year. A store security guy caught the two crooks and cited them for stealing make up (?) and some other stuff totaling about $26 and lets them go. So they head back to their truck which was parked near-by, empty-handed, embarrassed and busted. Could anything go wrong that would be worse than that? Are you kiddin’ me? This is Dumbass News, of course something more humiliating is gonna happen!
So the two dumbasses make it back to their truck only to find out…wait…for…it…the truck had been burglarized! I ain’t makin’ this up! I would have given a million dollars to have seen the looks on these two idiots’ faces. Talk about a new MasterCard commercial! I can see it now. Shoplifting, $26. Court fees and fines, $300. The look on the faces of shoplifters whose truck had been broken into, priceless. It’s kinda funny how life has a way of smacking you down and calling you “Shorty”, especially if you just got nailed for stealing. Who ever said that God doesn’t have a sense of humor must be an atheist. “Cause this is damn funny! bwahahahahahahahahahaha
The Public Excoriation of Two Morons
|The Dumbass Salute!|
If you live in or near the Ogden, Utah area, you can participate in a fun-for-all game called Humiliate Stoopid as a Spitwad Criminals! This game entitles players identify and roundly and loudly denigrate ignoramus thieves like Kori Vanhouten and Eldon Alexander. These guys are the two Einsteins who pulled off the Dumbass Daily Double of getting busted for stealing and getting and being stolen from in a span of about five minutes. Congratulations, men! You have accomplished something as rare as hen’s teeth and a million times more embarrassing. I salute you!