|And the Winner is….|
Welcome to the 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial You Big Dummy Awards! Today we will present to you the nominees and winners of the coveted Dummy Awards for outstanding performances by Dumbasses from around the world in various categories of Dumbassery as only a true Dumbass can do it. The results of the balloting for the 2011 Dummies have been hermetically sealed in a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 in a dumpster on Skid Row in Los Angeles since the day before yesterday. All results are final and irrevocable as tabulated by three homeless guys in South Dallas after a week-long bender on stale Schlitz Beer.
Now, on to the Dummies!
Category: Best Performance by a Dumbass, Boobs Division
The nominees are:
The Blonde on TruTV – Blonde gets arrested for DUI in Vegas, goes to jail, shows knockers to all people within eye sight. She then files suit saying she was too drunk to sign a release for her and her tits to be shown on TV…a year and a half later!
Mom Gives Voucher for Boob Job to 7 Year Old Daughter – Mom, who has spent $800,000 on her own “cosmetic” surgeries says she wants the kid to have fake boobs because that’s what the kid wants. Fucking brilliant.
81 Year Old Fake Doctor Gives Door to Door Breast Exams – Need I explain?
And the winner of the Dummy is……..the 81 Year old Fake Doctor Giving Door to Door Breast Exams! This one was easy. While the drunk lady in the Vegas lock up and the idiot Mom giving the gift of fake boobs to her 7 year old are worthy of nomination, any 81 year old guy who can go door to door and convince women to let him feel their boobs is The Man of the Century as far as I am concerned. Congratulations you dirty old bastard and I hope you stay a dirty old bastard until you are a dead old bastard. Well done, Sir. Well done indeed.
You Big Dummy!