|A Gay Old Time|
Fresh off the crowning of the 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award winner, we jump right into the search for the 2012 “You Big Dummy” recipient. And, brother, are we jumpin’ in!
Running a post like this one following an epic event like the FGSYBDDOTYA is at best a risky proposition. How does one come up with something that comes even close to such a monster? The monster that I, myself, created? What have I become? Dr. Dumbass-enstein? Lord, save me from my own genius!
What do you think? Will the Shakespearian quality of the preceding paragraph enhance my chances for winning a Pulitzer? I mean, the drama, the internal conflict within my soul, the inspiration from Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein! What more could the
dumbasses the fine members of the Pulitzer Committee want? But, I digress.
The Subject at Hand
Sorry, I lost my mind just for a moment. Anyway, today’s first story of 2012 features something that I don’t know whether to applaud or be appalled by. Let me splain.
Police in Fort Myers, Florida were conducting a sting operation hoping to find some guys committing acts of lewdness in public. The site of this clandestine operation was Bunche Beach. The law put some undercover male detectives on the beach where the lewd-idity occurred hoping to bust these naughty dumbasses. It didn’t take long before the cops got their men. Yes, I said male cops and men. Old men. A couple of them very old men. Old and very old as in 62, 73 and 82 years old. One is from New York, another from Illinois and the other guy is from Florida. So, what we have here is a national sample of some perverted old guys who have, in their Golden Years, have discovered how to be a homo, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The reason these three senior citizen dumbasses were busted is because they approached the fuzz and showed them (the cops) their “concha shells” and “sand dollars”, ifykwimaityd. As I mentioned above, I don’t know whether to cheer these dirty old bastards on or wish them to rot in Hell. But the laws of the State of the F.L.A. say that the old fuckers are criminals and so it is.
As always, a few questions come to mind. These three dipshits are in The Sunshine State, right? Beaches, warm weather, half nekkid young women running around all over the place and so forth. In other words, there were plenty of chances for the old farts to flash their “manatees” at some good lookin’ babes. Why in God’s name would they want to exhibit their “buried treasures” to men? Are they just now discovering their inner homo? Or are they just “curious”?
Another thing, ain’t there any eligible, horny old rich women for these dumbasses to hit on? I’m fairly sure that many of the rich, old horny women in Fort Myers haven’t seen “conchas” and “sand dollars” in quite sometime and would be willing to play “hidden treasure” or “let me walk your plank, Sailor” at the drop of a hat.
I guess we’ll never know since our “wanna see my sand castle?” trio have probably gone incognito. Or to the pastel part of Miami.