|You Want Me to Do What?|
Just what do some Dumbasses have against McDonalds? I can’t figger it out myself. Mcd’s offers some of the best tasteless food in the world. Every once in a while I love to scarf down a Big Mac or Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Or both. My kids loves the nastiness that is a Happy Meal. They also love the lead paint covered cheap ass toys that come with the Happy meal. I don’t mean to get all mushy here, but I have been eating at McDonalds since their hamburgers cost something like 19 cents. I remember when the signs at Mickey D’s read “Over 2 Sold”! I ask these questions for a very good reasons, which I will go into in a just a minute.
Dumbass News has featured dumbass-inspired stories about McDonalds on more than one occasion. For example, here and here. It pains me to say it, but neither of these Dumbass stories has as serious implications as the one you are about to read.
There’s a lady, and I use that term loosely, in Las Vegas who has filed a lawsuit against the fast food giant because, as she states in the suit, it is because of the minimum wage salary she was paid at McD’s that she became a prostitute! yes, fellow Dumbasses, I am sad to report that low pay and lack of a good benefits package at the Home of the Quarter Pounder, that has driven women like Shelley Lynn to become skanky sluts. Shame on you Ronald McDonald!
You see, Shelley once worked at a McDonalds owned at the time by her then-husband. As it turns out, there other would-be skanky sluts working there too. And it’s all because of the lousy pay and benefit packages at the Golden Arches. Being the visionary entrepreneur that he was, Shelley’s husband found a way to increase business at his restaurant. A good marketing campaign maybe? Kind of. He started pimping out his female employees! These women were listed on the store menu as the “Furry McTacos”. But I digress.
You wanna know why these whores felt it necessary to sell their McWares? If you guessed the lousy pay ans bennies from their employer, you would be right! These women were not making enough money to support themselves or their families, so they got a second job selling their “McHappy Meals”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. They are inspirations to young sluts everywhere. Did I mention that all this bullshit in Shelley’s lawsuit took place more than twenty years ago? Since then Shelley has been employed by brothels in the Las Vegas area screwing horny dumbasses for what I imagine would be very good money.
Over twenty years ago! That must be some kind of mental duress! It’s also a Top Tier Dumbass Thing to Do. Shelley, we know that were peddling your McMuffin while you worked at McDonalds, now you sell it for thousands of times more money. Only the price has changed. You were twenty years ago and still are today, shit stain on the underwear of society. As for your now ex-husband, the best part of him ran down his mother’s leg.
Look. I know that what Shelley is doing now is perfectly legal in Nevada and I have no qualms about that. It’s the “I am still a victim” mindset that pisses me off. let me tell you, Shelley, if you were ashamed to sell your “woman hood” back then, then why continue to be a Godless Hooker all this time later? Do you have a bad coke habit? Owe the Mob money? Like to fuck a lot? Yeah, you are a “victim” OK. Stoopid cum funnel.
Once this suit goes in front of a judge, Comedy Gold should be at a Three Stooges Level of brilliance. If any of you in the Vegas area have any more on this story now or later, please email it to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. If you do, I’ll make you the next Dumbass Emeritus, second line only to WTFWiFi founder Alexandra Janelli, an Honor you’ll cherish for life.
Adios to Shelley
Shelley, keep on selling what you sell, because one day it will as rancid as the maggots on a five year old Big Mac. I was gonna get real graphic here but I decided that even a low life no morals, weenie sucking, skanky swamp donkey whore like Shelley deserves some form of respect. 🙂
But not a day in Court with this kind of shit.