|What Duct Tape?|
I posted this story a few weeks ago and it still gets plenty of attention. That tells me that y’all are a bunch of kinky bastards. But I already knew that, so it comes as no surprise to me. After all, you are Dumbasses and I’ve come to expect nothing less of you. For all you numb skulls that found your way here from Pinterest, y’all are a passle of sick, twisted freaks. You’ll fit right in. While your here be sure to check out the blog archives. They are listed month by month in the left sidebar. There’s some great dumbassery in there. If you have any good ideas on new ways to use Duct Tape, head on over to the comment section just below this post. Oh, yeah! To all the “Pinners” who’ve joined us today, thanks for taking the time to re-pin my blog posts and s
And now members of the Dumbass Horde around the world…..I present to you Nekkid Driving and Duct Tape!!!
When it comes to dumbassery, few places on the entire planet are weirder than Portland, Oregon. My guess is that other than San Francisco, Portland prolly has the highest Dumbass to “normal” people ratio in the country. I think the reason for this is the fact that so many homos and various other life forms of dumbassery migrate from Cal-ee-forn-ya to the Pacific Northwest trying to – wait for it – escape the dumbssery in Cal-ee-forn-ya! <face/palm> Go frakkin’ figger.
True Dumbass Love
Nothing says true dumbass love like duct taping your girlfriend like a Taliban hostage and putting her in the back seat of your Subaru for a little joy ride around town. While you, too, are nekkid as a jay bird as you escort your
hostage sweetie all through Portland. Not that a duct taped nekkid woman in the back seat of a Subaru would garner much attention in Portland, Oregon, but one sane soul noticed the nekkid, taped up bimbo and called the cops. One can only imagine what the heat thought when they encountered a nekkid guy driving a Subaru with a duct taped nekkid lady in the back seat! I’m fairly confident that the local constabulary had some very powerful handguns pointed directly at Mr. Driving Nekkid Guy at the sight of such a situation.
After taking a large shit on the genuine imitation llama hair seat cover, and losing his boner, Mr. Driving Nekkid Guy and Ms. Custom Duct Tape Job by Jim Bob Jumpback explained that they were just out for a nekkid ride just for a little for fun. And sexual thrills. Yup, instead of a nice candlelight dinner with some cheap wine, these two dumbasses get nekkid, duct taped and stoopid. And cited for disorderly conduct for driving around Portland, Oregon for all to see. This just oooooozzzzzeeesssss romance.
When people learned of this little Love Boat on Land episode, most of the reactions were of the “So what, they were just having fun?” variety. One local dumbass posted on the Portland Police Department Facebook page, and I quote, “Nothing wrong with that, they were just trying to have some fun, you monsters.” I ain’t kiddin’.
The best comment came from a guy who summed it up very nicely: “Keep Portland weird, man.” Perfect.
I implore you to heed this advice as you travel through this journey we call life: nekkid, duct taped and driving through a major city is no way to go through life, son.