A DUMBASS IS BORN! (Almost)
|It’s a Boy!|
Your Fearless Leader is extremely proud to announce that in mid September, the Dumbass Horde will welcome to our crew Benjamin Oliver Shoemaker! My son Toby and my precious daughter-in-law Faith found out earlier today that the Littlest Dumbass to Be is a boy!
It’s a weird thing. As soon as I found out what gender the Littlest Dumbass would be, my allergies started acting up. My eyes got all watery and shit. I must be allergic to babies or something. The only other times this has ever happened to me were when I found out I was about to become a Daddy Dumbass again or if the Incubating Dumbass was a boy or girl.
Many years ago when the Negro Mini Series made its debut with Alex Haley’s Roots, there was one particular scene that has stayed with me to this very day. It’s the one where Toby/Kunta takes his newborn son off to the top of a Big Ass Hill and raises him to the night sky and…
Hell, it would be much easier to just show you a video clip of what I am talking about.
I am not a Negro nor have I ever played one on TV. It was mere coincidence that the Main Negro in Roots was named Toby, and like him, my given name isn’t “Toby” either. It is also not “Kumta”, though “Kunta” is a fine African Negro name.
The Father-to-be is my youngest son, Toby. He’s not a Negro or a Kunta either.
When Toby was born, he was a preemie and weighed less than five pounds when he got to go home from the hospital. One night, I remembered the scene above from Roots and how cool I thought it was.
Long story short, I re-enacted the scene with my own son.
Soon, that football-sized baby boy will have a son of his own to hold up to a night sky full of miracles and proudly proclaim to the Almighty that the baby boy the new Father is holding is a gift from some thing we have Faith in, but don’t really understand. But, God is there and He is the only thing Greater than the new life shining as brightly as the stars in the Universe, no less miraculous, no less luminous.
Toby, I now pass the torch on to you and Benjamin. Father and son. It is now your turn to behold your son as I have you.
I love you, Toby and Faith.
I gotta go.
My allergies are bothering me again.
I am a Dumbass. 🙂