|Prison Bitch-In-Waiting; His Name Rhymes w/ “Teeth On”|
There are Dumbasses and then there are Dumbasses. The story that I am about to tell you about is one of the latter – a full tilt boogie Dumbass. And a Future Prison Bitch.
Every day, I write about the stoopid shit that people do. That’s my job as Fearless Leader of the Dumabss Horde – to write about Dumbasses and the incredibly insane stunts they pull. The subject of today’s post is the leader at the halfway pole in the race for Dumbass of the Year, 2012. And that is saying a whole lot.
What I Mean
I did two quick mouse clicks and accessed the archives to Dumbass News and randomly picked out someposts from three consecutive days. These three stories (Nekkid Maids in Lubbock , Woman Takes Dump on Interstate & 73 Year Old Granny Dope Dealer)were, until I cam across today’s Dumbass, certainly receiving due consideration as Dumbass of the Year nominees. Not any more. The guy who stars in today’s episode of Dumbass News smokes the competition like a cheap cigar when it comes to the DoY candidates thus far in 2012. But, there is hope! While today’s Dumbass may be the Leader in the Clubhouse, it’s not even June yet, so who knows what Dumbasses await us over the next six months?
Gimme All Your Money!
When I read those few words as reportedly used in the commission of an illegal act, I think of a bank robbery. Or of some dipshit knocking off a 7-11. Or even a simple mugging. Today, I would be wrong.
Let me splain.
In the Dallas-area town of Wilmer, Texas (it’s near Hutchins…:) ) lives the Dumbass whose name will live on in Wilmer History long after his Earthly Demise. He will be forever known as the Dumbass Who Did the Stoopidest Thing in the Annals of Stoopid Things Done in Wilmer, Texas or Anywhere Else.
Keithan Manuel is an 18 year old Wilmer resident. From what could ascertain from the source article from CBS News, Keithan had had dealings with the Wilmer Police in the past. Anyway, Keithan (and who the hell names a kid “Keithan”? A Dumbass, that’s who. So it looks like Keithan came across being an idiot genetically) went to the WPD to check on some information on an arrest warrant. Nothing dumbass about that.
Then Keithan opened his mouth.
Upon approaching the Police Clerk, did Keithan cheerfully greet the Clerk with a familiar Texas “Howdy!” Nope. How about a “Good morning/afternoonn. Not this time. Keithan, with all the youthful exhuberance he could muster said, “Give me all your money!” OFFICIAL DUMBASS REMINDER: Keithan just demanded money from an on-duty Police Officer right smack dab in the middle of the Wilmer (Texas) Police Department! Did I mention that he also told the clerk that he (Keithan) was carrying a pistol? And that his hands were wrapped up inside a white towel as if he were holding something (a pistol maybe?) there? I have now.
As a Texan, I can assure you without one scentilla of hesitation or doubt, that this is NOT a good thing to do at a Police Station in Texas. The Law Enforcement Community in Texas, especially small towns, consists of men and women whose close relationship to the people they serve is considered to be of paramount importance in helping them discharge their duties as sworn Peace Officers as smoothly as possible. Again, as a Texan, I can also state categorically that walking into a building occupied by fully armed and highly trained Texas cops demanding money and announcing that you are packing a rod as if trying to commit a robbery, is not only a dumbass thing to do, but it is also a good way to gain 10 – 12 extra pounds. Ten or tweleve pounds of .45 calibre hollow points that have, with great prejudice, been dispatched into to your torso courtesy of Messeurs Smith and Wesson.
He Was Joking!
Later, at the Dallas County Jail, Keithan told a local TV station that “I play like that all the time. I didn’t thinl she would take it seriously”. What a kidder that Keithan is! It’s a cryin’ shame that a young man can’t even walk into a Police Station with what appears to be a weapon wrapped inside a towel, announce to the Police Clerk that he is armed, demand the clerk’s money and then not have a good chortle with the Guys on Duty! What’s the world coming to?
To top it all off, Keithan (what a pussy name) now spends his days in the Dallas County Big House under a total of $300,000 bail wonder why can’t the Wilmer (Texas) Police just have a sense of humor and what life in the Texas Department of Corrections holds for him. Prison bitch, anyone?
Where are Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson when you need them? Oh, wait. There’s no money to be made in this case. Sad, ain’t it?
Did I say how much I hated the name “Keithan”?