|Caviar or Rabbit Turds?|
Best of Dumbass News
I like to travel. I have been lucky enough to have visited 30-something states in the USA and one very quick trip to Mexico. There are many beautiful places in the world that I’d love to see – China, Brazil and Russia to name a few. Speaking of Russia…
Amongst things like communism and mass murder, Russia is also known for being home to some of the most beautiful places on Planet Earth. One of the great cities in Russia is St. Petersburg. It has a long and storied history as well.
In St. Pete you’ll also find many Russian dumbasses. Like one of the morgue employees and a business he drinks vodka with. During one of their many forays into the tater juice, these two dumbasskis, as Russian dumbasses are known, the two men hatched a plot to sell caviar on the black market. This is a big nyet-nyet in the Motherland. Anyway, these guys round up 365 pounds of caviar, but they have to have a cool place to store it. It just so happens that they have one already. The morgue! It’s a cool place and the people there won’t eat because they are dead.
The Russian authorities catch wind of the plot and quickly swoop in and nail these two idiots. And as you may have heard, Russian police are not very polite when they make a collar.They do things like beat the shit out of suspects. That is if the suspect is lucky. Unlucky suspects suffer other injuries like broken bones and severe lacerations. or death. In this case what a lucky break it would be if the suspects were beaten to death because they are already at the morgue! Talk about saving taxpayer money!
Caviar comes sturgeon. Sturgeon fishing is illegal where the suspects were supposedly catching the sturgeon. Another big nyet-nyet. Near the morgue the police found 47 sturgeon carcasses and were at all amused. I don’t know about you, but I get the feeling that our two dumbasses are in big trouble.
The Morgue as a Fridge
While a morgue makes a fine refrigerator, I don’t think they are intended to be used to store poached (no pun intended) caviar. I believe they are exclusively for the storage of dead people. Or vodka. But not caviar. I could, however, be mistaken. This is Russia we are talking about. They do some weird shit over there.
Another thing I don’t understand is why anyone would want to eat fish eggs. Why not alligator eggs or turtle eggs? I wouldn’t eat them either, but geez, fish eggs? From a protected fish at that! I guess I don’t understand because I am a dumbass.
But at least I didn’t illegally take fish eggs, that resemble rabbit shit, from a protected species that looks like a catfish that has been exposed to nuclear radiation like these guys did. And store them in a room full of dead bodies. And cheap vodka.