I have long proclaimed myself to be a Dumbass. I have done so for one simple reason. I AM a Dumbass! But, I am a genius Dumbass.
I’ll prove it to you.
A few months ago I took the trash out to the dumpster here on the apartment complex grounds. I think it’s time to do it again! bwahahahahahaha I kill me sometimes. At any rate, when I got to the dumpster there was a laptop computer laying on the ground next to the trash bin. The laptop wasn’t covered in toxic waste or bird shit, so I picked it up and brought it home.
At the time I thought it would be a good thing to have around so I could take it apart and put it back together. A learning process, if you will. I wanted to learn to build a computer because I plan on building one soon. What the heck, huh?
Long story short, the discarded laptop laid around for a few months until about three weeks ago when my new Computer Whiz Neighbor came over to take a look at it. (Quick note: when I discovered the computer, it had no battery or power cord but it did have a messed up keyboard) So TJ the Computer Whiz Neighbor brought one of his laptop power cords over, plugged it in to the White Trash Laptop and PRESTO! The damn thing actually worked!
All TJ had to do was replace the hard drive with the HDD from my IBM laptop that Bailey the 5 Year Old destroyed by pouring finger nail polish remover all over the keyboard, therefore into the guts of the IBM as well. Add one USB keyboard and….
Guess which laptop I am now using as the “brains” of Dumbass News? Hint: It ain’t the IBM. Yep, it’s the cast aside Toshiba that I found at the dumpster all those months ago.
Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, Genius Dumbass.
I like the sound of that.
Best of Dumbass News
Finding material for this website is like taking candy from a baby. It’s too easy.
There are dumbasses in every corner of the planet. For instance, take Alliance, Ohio, PLEASE! Hahahaha See? I am a dumbass, too. Now back to Alliance, Ohio. Not again! I am on a roll here. hahahaha I’ll be here all week.
Anyway…in Alliance, Ohio, a guy decides a nice evening of dumpster diving is in order. Maybe he had some last minute anniversary shopping to do and he was trying to get the perfect gift for his wife the easy way. By stealing. From a dumpster. In the middle of the night. From this information alone, I can deduce that the perpetrator, James Brienzo, is a dumbass.
|Is That You, James?|
The act of dumpster diving alone is not an indictment of being a dumbass. It’s when you are dumpster diving and the sanitation company makes its nightly rounds to empty the dumpster and you are still in the dumpster that qualifies you as a dumbass. That’s what happened to our boy James. In the middle of his late night White Trash Shopping Spree, James was somewhere in the day old donuts section when whirrrrrrr clllaaaannggg brrrrrrrrrruuuuuppp suddenly he ends up in the business end of the sanitation truck! But James, like a Boy Scout, is prepared. He has a cell phone! James calls a friend who, in turn, calls the heat (cops). The heat locate the refuse truck that James is in through a GPS.
Technology is the shit!
The law gets to the truck and are unable to extricate James so, wait.for.it….they order the truck to the nearest dump, where James, along with the anniversary gift he was looking for, was dumped into the landfill and freed! He’s in critical condition at local hospital, but the poor bastard is free.
I have a suggestion for James and the rest of you who are considering a White Trash Shopping Spree in the middle of the night, Wal Mart is open 24 hours a day! Give it a try.