Something we haven’t done in a while is Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, so I figured today would be a good day to do them. My source is littlecalamity.tripod.com and they do not specify from which newspaper these headlines come, so I have no way of giving credit where credit is due. I shall, however, steal use them and make the funny.
- 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves – God knows what they would have won if they had thunder thighs
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft – Note to astronaut: No red beans and cornbread just before next liftoff. I’m just sayin’.
- Big Ugly Woman Wins Beauty Pageant (Newspaper in town of Big Ugly, WV) – Good thing the town ain’t named Big Ass.
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case- And I thought an 8 x 12 foot cell was small.
- Include your Children When Baking Cookies- Children add texture to the cookies.
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant- That’s one way to save on court costs.
- Lack of brains hinders research – Must be the same dumbasses who believe in global warming.
- Miners Refuse to Work After Death – That’s a very effective retirement plan.
- Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped – And from what I understand, she likes it too.
There ya go. Those are just a few of the headlines from bird cage liners from all around the country. You can now understand why print newspapers are going out of business faster than shit through a goose. That leaves us with only one thing to say.