I have a confession to make to you, my readers. When I first started doing this series on Dumbass Laws from around the country, I wasn’t so sure how they’d be received. By that I mean, I wasn’t sure how many of you dumbasses would actually, you know, read them. To my surprise, I discovered that there are more dumbasses out there than I originally thought. So, from one dumbass (me) to another (you), I thank you from the bottom of my dumbass heart for making this series a way bigger success than I could have hoped for it to be. For example, a couple of days ago, for the first time ever, Dumbass News got more page hits than my other blog, Three States Plus One. Thank you all for your dumbass support as I wouldn’t be half the dumbass I am without you. I say that with love. Dumbasses. 🙂
New Mexico – In the mountain town of Raton, which I have driven through at least 30 times, it is against the law for women to ride a horse on a public street while wearing a kimono.
DN – Citing my experience mentioned above about having been through Raton numerous times, I can say that without a doubt, the horse back-riding, kimono-wearing female population of that fair town does not constitute a large portion of the demographics in Raton. Except on Saturday nights, but it’s the men of Raton who practice this ritual. They say it makes them feel “special”. That’s why when I pass through Raton on the way to Denver, I stay on the Colorado side of the border in Trinidad. Just sayin’.
New York – On the books in New York City, one of the great cities of the world, it is illegal for you to put your thumb to the tip of your nose and wiggle your fingers in greeting a someone else in the street.
DN – In NYC, they call that disorderly conduct. In Augusta, Maine, we call that dumbass.
North Carolina – Hornytown (I ain’t makin’ that up) has banned all massage parlors in town.
DN – Wait’ll you hear what they banned in the town of Intercourse. Wait, that’s in Pennsylvania. Never mind. I got nouthin.
North Dakota – Can’t find a bar, club or restaurant in North Dakota that sells beer and pretzels at the same time? There’s a good reason for that. It’s illegal!!!
DN – This is the first step in turning America into a third world shit hole. Not only is this dumbass, it is communist, too. Next thing you know, they’ll be after the pickled eggs in that big ass jar on the bar! Unacceptable! To arms!!!
Ohio – Columbus is a pretty cool city. I lived there for a while. If only I had known that the city of Columbus banned the sale of cornflakes on Sunday, I would have never graced them with my presents
DN – Being a crafty fellow, I found a way to beat this travesty of a law while honoring it as well. I shopped for cornflakes on Saturday night!!! Dumbasses.
Let’s do a recount here, this was Part 7 so that means we have covered dumbass laws in 35 states, leaving us only 15 more to make fun of. I bet if I were to dig a little deeper, I could find a whole new set of dumbass laws.There’s always someone trying to “out-dumbass” the other guy, so I feel confident that I’ll succeed at my task. I promise to you that I’ll leave no dumbass unturned.