I can’t believe that we are at Part 8 in our Dumbass Laws Series. it seems more like Part 18! Yet, I trudge onward, like good soldier, fearing not the danger and evil that await me, at the ready to fend off any attack from perimeter dumbasses and other perilous, blood thirsty creatures such as Liberals and Democrats. It is for you, dear reader, that I continue to put myself at risk, in order to bring forth to you those moments of insanity that plague our beloved United States from coast to coast – moments when all men of good intention temporarily find themselves void of common sense and good judgement – moments we have come to know as Dumbass Laws!
Oklahoma – The town of Schulter has gone and done the unthinkable! The dumbasses in charge of running this town have gone and made it illegal for women to play poker in the nude, while wearing lingerie or wrapped in a towel.
DN – This tells me two things. 1) Schulter is as boring as hell. and 2) The only women left in Schulter are the ones you wouldn’t want to see nekkid anyway. Dumbasses.
Oregon – Salem takes the unthinkable mentioned above one step further. The city of Salem has banned women’s wrestling!
DN – What in the name of all that is holy do states whose names begin with the letter “O” have against women? As I understand it, since the imposition of the ban on women’s wrestling, jello and baby oil sales have plunged in Salem. Just sayin’. Hang on, more woman-hatin’ is on the way…
Pennsylvania – In Morrisville, PA, women need a permit to wear cosmetics.
DN – That’s it. I can take it anymore! I have a good mind to to round up a bunch of nekkid women, wearing cosmetics without a permit and watch them as they play cards while simultaneously rassle in jello and baby oil! Can I get an “Amen!” from the perverts in the last aisle? Damned be the repercussions!
Rhode Island – On Sunday, a Sunday much like today, it is against the law in Providence, to sell a toothbrush and toothpaste to the same customer.
DN – This just in…Rhode Islanders have teeth that make the British’s teeth look like the Osmond family.
South Carolina – Every citizen is obliged to carry his gun to Church.
DN – Since this law was enacted,I hear that the meetings of the Church Fund Raising Committee can be quite entertaining.
And that concludes another foray into the world of Dumbass Laws. Let’s review what we have learned today:
1) Oklahoma is, well, uh, Oklahoma. Nice place with good people and dumbass laws and 3.2 beer.
2) Oregon has reinforced once again it’s a NutHouse and the Squirrels run the place. No women’s rasslin. Commie bastards!
3) Pennsylvania has Morrisville and in the Big M women need a permit to paint themselves up like a load of Jezebels AND the Amish make the BEST potato salad in the world. I just threw that last one because I like the Amish Potato Salad.
4) Rhode Island is too small to worry about and nobody really cares about it anyway, even the people who live there.
5) South Carolina is my kind of place. Packin’ heat in Church?! That’s gotta give a boost to “voluntary” baptisms and if somebody needs a good shootin’, the whole funeral process is streamlined. It’s the old “4 B” Theory. Baptize ’em, Blast ’em, box ’em and bury ’em.