What Could Have Been a Dumbass Story

Topaz, as photographed by Diane Stess-Kirschner

In the wake of the birth yesterday of my newest fishin’ buddy, Coop, I am gonna lighten up on the dumbass today, and publish a story my wife found on Aol News, I think. Our story does have a dumbass in it, but it also has a most unexpected happy ending, unlike the dumbass cop who tasered another cop’s ass or the dumbasses in Italy who want to cut down a forest to keep the hookers away. The only dumbass in today’s story is the one who accepted a dog as a gift and then let it run away. Let’s get to it.

Our episode today opens in Florida where a couple and their kids are preparing for a cross-country to San Francisco. This nice family had a pooch named Topaz (OK, so nice family is a bit dumbass, because Topaz is a dumbass name for a dog) for whom they found another nice home instead of taking her on a 3000 mile trip to the Bay Area. Cool beans, right? Wrong. Topaz’s new owners turned out to be dumbasses by letting her wander away from home. After walking all the way across the Florida Peninsula, Topaz, the nice doggie with the dumbass name, was picked up by a nice lady. The nice lady took the dog with the dumbass name to the vet. Everything was hunky dory with the dog. While at the vet’s office, the nice lady discovered that Topaz, t.d.w.t.d.n., had a microchip with all the vital info needed to find her owners implanted under her skin! Yay! Not so fast! The nice lady tried to find Topaz’s original owners (the microchip had their info on it, not the info of the dumbass that let Topaz escape) through a plethora of avenues with no luck. Then one day, the nice lady went to Facebook and lo and behold (!), she found the original owners! (Now you can “yay!”) This nice lady should get some kind of medal. She searched for the owners for four years(!) until she located them.

Topaz, t.d.w.t.d.n., was put in a pet carrier, loaded onto a flight to San Fran and was happily reunited with her “family”. The nice lady even had the dog professionally groomed before putting her on the plane. This woman is a saint! If live in or near, or plan to be in or near, Tamarac, Florida, find Diane Stess-Kirschner and buy her lunch or flowers or something. She deserves that much and more for proving that not everybody is a dumbass.

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