Dumbass Newspaper Headlines (Best of…)

It has been a while since we’ve had some dumbass newspaper headlines on this blog, so I did some digging around the internet and came up with somr flat funny ones. I always get a kick out these dumbass headlines posts because I get to demean and ridicule perfect strangers for being dumbasses.  That’s just how I roll.

You gotta remember that these are actual newspaper headlines and classified ads, not something that I made up. So, let’s get to this week’s Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!

Computers are as much a part of our daily lives as having breakfast in the morning. We use them for almost everything in our lives – banking, research, shopping and communication. Now we learn that computer viruses are spreading to human beans!!! Let’s pray that the Blue Screen of Death is not contagious. Just sayin’. Dumbasses.

You are serious, right? Whoever let that headline make it to print must be the editor of The Dumbass News Daily. Fuckin’ moron. But wait! They get better!



I blame it those damned illegal immigrants! Next thing you know they’ll throwing tacos into the dumpster. What will that look like to some dumbass? I have several possibilities for jokes here, but they are too tasteless even for me, so, (insert taco joke here).

 What’s the name of this town? Dumbassville? Does everybody in Dumbassville wear Essence of Turd cologne? Do they eat shit sandwiches for lunch? Oh, wait! They can’t eat shit sandwiches, the dumbasses don’t like bread!

                                          

Her life’s ambition is to be the Mofongo Queen in next year’s pageant. “Mistress of the Universe” is a bit much for a teen girl.

And the headline of the day is;

It’s amazing what they can do with a little plastic surgery these days. I’ just sayin’.

 
 Dumbasses.
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