Best of Dumbass News
My duty here at Dumbass News is to bring forth the most ludicrous stuff that people all over the world do. My insightful, spot on commentary is not just directed at Yankees, Californians and Liberals, but I repeat myself, but it is aimed at dumbasses all over the planet, bar none. Except for my Mother. At 73, she can still kick my ass. Besides, I am in her will. Enough said. And the Pope. Him, I leave alone. He’s got connections. Now as far as your Mother goes, she’s fair game. She does something stoopid and I get wind of it, she’s toast. Sorry, I have a duty to uphold. Oh! One more guy I won’t kick around is Billy Graham. I like Billy Graham, he’s a good man. Let’s review this…Mom, Il Papa (a little Eye-talian lingo there) and Billy Graham: off limits. Everybody else: fuck ’em. That’s just how I roll.
Cop Shows His Magnum to Hookers
Cops are normally verboten to ridicule, shame and belittle, but like everybody else (except for those mentioned above), if they screw up bad enough, they make Dumbass News just like any other poor schlub who’s worthy of the “honor”. Therefore…..
…it is with great
pleasure and a big na na na na na sadness that I am compelled by my sworn, and I mean cussed at, not on a Bible, affirmation to bring you some funny shit horrific news regarding a Police Officer in Tampa, the F-L-A.
This particular officer, Cpl. Matthew Dolitsky, had a bad habit of having sex with women…in his patrol car! I am reasonably certain that is a part of the Tampa Police Department of Shit Not to Do. But wait there more! He was paying off his hookers with cash and a little thing called cocaine. I am proud to say that Cpl. Matthew Dolitsky has hit the Dumbass Daily Double: Hookers and coke. I couldn’t be more proud. Unless I found out one of my sons was serial killer of camel fuckers. Matthew as a cop, you can’t do this shit. At least take the whores off in the woods to pork ’em and do a line of blow. Have you no shame man?
The Tampa PD conducted a secret internal investigation, but Matthew found out about it. Probably from one of his drug-infested cum buckets. When Matt learned of the nefarious attack on actions as a police officer, he became very angry. Angry enough that he threatened to shoot other cops who testified in a second Internal Affairs look-see. Matt resigned before he got the old heave ho.
Matthew Gets a Pension
Here’s what chaps my ass about this story. Because this dumbass cop resigned before he got fired, he will still get a yearly pension of a little over $27,000. That’s a helluve a gig if you can get it. Go to work in a city-provided vehicle, buy (or steal from the Evidence Room) some toot then get some “groceries” in the back seat of a city-owned car then get busted and still get over two grand a month for the rest of your life. Is the Tampa PD hiring? If so, I’m in.
What. The. Fuck? Are the Higher Ups at TPD in on this hooker and coke thing? I mean Hell, couldn’t they at least recommended to have Matt’s pension reduced or even revoked due to the Cop Screwing Hookers and Doing Cocaine Clause of his contract with the TPD? Moral turpitude or getting fook stains on the back seat of a cop car or something? I am at a loss for words here, folks. Almost.
Does anyone have the phone number for the Tampa Police Department? Or Matthew Dolitsky?