Best of Dumbass News
I get a big kick out of our Canadians friends when one of them pulls a stunt that’s dumbass-worthy. In Canada, that’s quite a feat because those hosers know how to do two things extremely well – drink and smoke pot. I don’t say that in a negative way, a few years ago I would’ve fit right in with them. Besides, I don’t have a passport and I’d need one to get across the border. Once I get a passport, I’d feel compelled do some serious “research” into the drunk and stoned Canadian Community. It’s a tough job, but etc, etc, etc. I wonder if I could write it off as a business expense? I’d be drunk/baked blogging about my “research”. “Research” like this could take two, three, maybe 5 years of unending drinking and smoking pot to come to an indisputable conclusion regarding the drunk and stoned Canadian Community. But, that’s a risk Id be willing to take as long as it benefited the “scientific” community.
Now, let’s get down to brass tacks. Until recently, Jonathan Atkinson was just an ordinary drunk and stoned dumbass Canadian. But, my main man Jon ratcheted up the dumbass to new, never-before-seen levels, even for a Canadian dumbass. On December 30, Jon got plastered and did the right thing and called a taxi to take him home.
Then, he fell asleep in the cab.
The cops were called, Jonathon was arrested and the streets of Point Edward, Ontario were safe from one more drunk/stoned Canadian. This offense is an everyday Canadian dumbass occurrence so it’s not really worth getting worked up over. You’ll be happy to know that Jon was not about to let his fellow drunk/stoned Canadian mates down. Not only was Jon Boy put in the slammer 60 days, he missed his own wedding due to his incarceration!
Jonny, dumbasses everywhere salute you for sticking to your drunk/stoned Canadian principles and missing out of what could have been the worst mistake of your life! No, dumbass, not for getting a 60 day jail term, but for getting a 60 day jail term and missing your own wedding! Fuckin’ A genius! I never missed one of my weddings by getting drunk/stoned and arrested. I had to get hammered to just show up at the wedding! Now that I think about it, I don’t know who’s the bigger dumbass, me or Jon. Him for missing his wedding or me for showing up to mine. Now, I’m depressed. I don’t drink, but I need a beer.