Dumbass Spends 65 Grand on Matchmakers, Still Ain’t Got a Woman

Jewish Guy, 47, Multimillionaire looking for beautiful thin Jewish girl from New York. Must have sense of humor.

Ladies, what would you do if you were looking for love and that ad was shown to you. I have a feeling that once you got to the “multimillionaire” part, you’d be converting to Judaism and start eating lox and bagels. Am I right? I thought so.

Some Dumbass in Plainview, New York uses those criteria in looking for the perfect woman. As a matter of fact, over the last several years, Larry Greenfield has spent $65,000 looking for the woman he describes in that ad. You see, Larry has been using matchmaking services to find a woman fitting that description. Twelve years!

After over a decade of looking for love in the classifieds, as it were, Larry has come up with a conclusion that will bowl you over. He says matchmaking services are a ripoff! Knock me over with a yenta and call me Schlomoe.

No shit, Larry?  And just what caused you to come to that realization, Einstein? Oh, wait. He’s got sixty-five thousand reasons for saying that. My bad.

To be fair, the matchmaking services Larry used say that he’s too picky in regards to his women. I say, big fucking deal! It’s his money! He is paying you to find him a woman. Quit bitchin’ and get to matchmakin’.

WTF?  

That’s all I can say. What. The . Fuck.

All this time I thought that meeting a woman in person at a dinner party, at work or at church even, was the way to find a soul mate. You know, ask her out on a date, talk to her, better yet listen to her, wash, rinse, repeat, then marry the froy. It’s obvious that Larry and I differ on the ways to find the woman of your dreams.

Wait a minute! That shit never worked for me either! As a matter of fact, I found several women of my dreams doing shit the old fashioned way.

Larry, it’s your money, bro. Blow it however you see fit. If it means matchmakers, then use ’em. If it means meeting a woman at synagogue, then so be it. If it means you go broke looking for a “thin, beautiful, funny Jewish girl from New York”, then so it will be. And if you go broke, then it’s no Jewish broad for you, Larry. You’ll end up instead with a Baptist girl who’s not allowed to dance or make love standing up (because it looks too much like dancing!) And we know how those mixed marriages work out, don’t we?

It all means one thing in the end, Larry.

You are a…

…Dumbass.

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