Best of Dumbass News
As a former Professional Drinker, I could regale you with hours of stories of the stoopid shit I did while in a state of inebriation. Most of it was of the funny as hell variety, but some it was just plain damn dumb. While I am on the subject of being a Professional Drinker, I get asked a lot why I quit consuming adult beverages. The short answer: 1) it was simply time to quit. “nuff said. 2) No, I do not nor have I ever been to an an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I was a drunk, not an alcoholic. And finally, 3) how did I do it? Easy. I just stopped. Cold turkey. No big deal. Except to my family. See reason number 1 above.
Anyway, I did some dumbass stuff, yes, but I can say unequivocally that never once, nary a single time did I ever pull up to a sobriety check point while drinking a beer. I promise.
I can not say the same for David Caruso.
Not THAT David Caruso
There seems to be some confusion about the David Caruso in this story. He is NOT the TV Cop Guy from that CSI: Miami show. Don’t believe me? I offer you proof.
|Not a TV Star Cop|
Believe me now? OK…moving forward…..This incident took place in Connect-I-Cut, quite a jaunt from Miami, for the record.
Anyway…Connect-I-Cut cops had a sobriety check point set up recently while looking for drunk drivers. Senor Caruso was one of the lucky citizens who found his way into line on that night.
After, the obligatory 8 hour, 17 minute wait to get through the checkpoint line and assure The Fuzz of some good OT pay, Caruso is finally at the front when the cops notice that he (Caruso) is drinking a beer! While this in and of itself is pretty fucking stoopid, you will not believe what I am about to tell you. This is not David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy’s first run in with The Law involving booze! I knew that would catch you by surprise, but see if you can buck up and carry on from here, OK?
Previously on Dumbass at the Sobriety Check Point
David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy had a previous conviction for, you guessed it, drunk driving! Here comes the shocker…he was driving on a suspended license! A suspended license from….(?)…. his previous drunk driving conviction! This happens and awful lot, especially with the illegal Meskins who come over here to drink our beer and steal our wimmin. I know that for a fact. I read it on the internet. You can look look it up.
Bottom line is David Caruso the Not a TV Star Guy is in for a stint at one of Connect-I-Cut’s luxury state penitentiaries where he’ll receive some lovely parting gifts for playing the game and he’ll also get some unwanted attention from various and sundry harden criminals who haven’t had in ass in 5 – 13 years.
Two things come out of this story. 1) another Drunk Driving Dumbass is off the road for a while and 2) David Caruso the I’m Not a TV Star Guy has lost his lifetime membership to DAMM – Drunks Against Mad Mothers.
****Thanks to the HuffPuffPassPassDon’tBogartPost****