I have written many stories about dead people for Dumbass News. For a plethora (<==gratuitous El Guapo link) of reasons, I have deemed that each of these stories contained the requisite amount of dumbassery needed to make it into “print”.
Some Examples of Dead Guy Stories
Strangely enough, and befitting this blog, two of the most popular Dead Guy Stories involve sex. I’m tellin’ ya that there’s a lot of dyin’ goin’ on when people are bumpin’ uglies.
In one story, the woman said, “Ooooo Big Daddy make my day!” That’s when the gun went off. See for yourself.
Another Biggie is the one about the guy that was cheating on his wife and died during a threesome!
One of the most popular stories in the History of This Blog is about the Frozen Dead Guy of Nederland, Colorado. I used to live in Nederland, so I can personally vouch for the authenticity of the Frozen Dead Guy.
A Different Kind of Dead Guy Story
|Deposit $36,000 Please|
While the aforementioned tales of the crypt are certainly Dumbass News-worthy, the lack something that today’s Dead Guy Story has – revenge from the grave!
Here’s the thumbnail version: Guy kills another guy. Family of Dead Guy sues killer for the cost of the victim’s funeral. Judge grants Family of Dead Guy’s request. Nothing unusual – yet.
The Catch: Dead Guy was a member of Hmong (pronounced “mung”) religious sect. The thing is that Hmongs have large funerals. Very large funerals. In this case the Big Adios lasted more than three days and included food and drink for all 500 guests. The tab? Thirty-six large. $36,000. Thirty-six grand.
Upon getting the ruling, the Killer’s lawyer went ape shit, saying that the average funeral costs only about $8000. The Judge in the case told the defense attorney “tough toenails, asswipe”,your client owes these people 36 Great Big Ones. Hizzoner also stated that it didn’t appear to him that the Dead Guy’s Family was running up the tab, they were just following Hmong tradition.
That’s some tradition they’ve got goin’ on there. Hell, when the time comes for me to buy the farm, my survivors could invite everyone I know and 500 people wouldn’t show up. Those who do show up, however, can throw back more likker than 500 Hmongs. Easy. Don’t even get me started on how much food they could inhale.
And there ain’t a Hmong amongst ’em.