Best of Dumbass News
It’s Super Bowl Sunday! After all the dumbass questions from dumbass reporters and various and sundry other dumbass “news” stories over the last two weeks, it gets down to the gazebo cuttin’ tonight . 49ers vs. Ravens. An East Coast Media orgasm. After all, we know that there is no world outside the Northeastern corner of the United States. At least that’s the train of thought amongst millions of the Yankees I live in the middle of. I’m in Maine so it’s Pats, Pats, Pats up here. Obnoxious fans. Almost like Dallas. I can say that becuase I grew up in the DFW Metroplex and have first hand knowledge of it.
So much of the coverage of the Super Bowl in the days leading up to the game itself, doesn’t even involve the game. It centers on a few of the players. Players who have worked their asses off all their lives to be where they are today, on the precipice of being a Super Bowl Champion. However, many of these players gain their moment in the spotlight by doing something, shall we say, fucking stoopid. There have been some great stories of player indiscretions right before the Big Game that leave fans wondering “WTF?” In a special Super Sunday Dumbass News, we’ll take a look back at some of these players and the events that made them household names for all the wrong reasons.
Barret Robbins – Oakland Raiders
This is one of the most bizarre deals in Super Bowl History. The day before SB XXXVII, Robbins disappeared from the team hotel in San Diego. He took a little trip a few miles south of SD to Tijuana. i have a hard time imagining anything good that could come from Tijuana. Unless it’s some good weed.
Robbins went on a drinking binge in TJ and subsequently sent back to Oakland, thus missing the game of his young lifetime. Robbins has since been in and out of jail and rehab trying desparately to fix a blessed life gone terribly wrong.
I ain’t comin’ down real hard on Barret Robbins like I would any other dumbass for a personal reason. I know his Dad. Rob the Dad is a great guy and I saw him during all the turmoil surrounding this turn of events and he was devastated. this wasn’t just some random dumbass ruining his life, this was Rob’s son. All this happenedwhat, 9 years ago?, and I can still see that deer in the headlights blank stare on Rob’s face. Very sad.
Ray Lewis – Baltimore Ravens
In what has to be the most serious of all the pre-Super Bowl player screw ups, future Hall of Fame linebacker Ray Lewis found himself indicted on murder charges resulting from a stabbing at a party before SB XXXIV. He was eventually acquitted of those allegations but convicted of obstruction of justice. Still, this is a dark stain on a brilliant NFL career of one of the baddest men to ever play in the National Football League.
Willie Andrews – New England Patriots
Two days after Super Bowl XVII, the Pats’ backup safety was caught with $6800 cash and a half-pound of marijuana while driving an unregistered automobile! A few years earlier, Andrews spent 30 days in prison after pleading guilty to a gun charge.
Stanley Wilson – Cincinnati Bengals
Ol’ Stan wasn’t arrested for any crime but not because of a lack of effort. Wilson was found coked up by the Bengals’ running backs coach after missing the final team meeting before the game.
This was Stanley’s third strike under the NFL’s Sunstance Abuse policy and he was banned from the league for life.
Tiquan Underwood – New England Patriots
Underwood is the exception rather than the rule. He did absolutely nothing wrong! His coach, Bill Belichik, however, is a blatant asshole and dickweed.
Belichik isn’t known as a man of compassion and understanding, but the stunt he pulled here is one of the most cruel things a coach could do to one of his own players. He cut Underwood from the team yesterday (the day before the SB) in hopes of adding another player to the roster before the game!
One would think that Underwood would go on a booze and drug rampage after receiving such devastating news, but one would be wrong.
Unlike the lowlifes mentioned up there ^^^^^, Underwood took the news like a man. He respnded on Twitter, ” “This Is Nothing But MOTIVATION…. I Been Thru A LOT…But There Are Ppl In This World w/ More Serious Problems So I Cant Hang The Head….Thank You Lord … Good Luck To The New Enland Organization, The Coaches, & All My Teammates… #PatsNation”
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a new favorite player in the NFL.
God bless you, Tiquan Underwood. You have a special place reserved for you in Heaven.
As for the rest of the vermin listed above (except for Barret Robbins). You guys can suck sweaty swamp donkey gazebos.