Best of Dumbass News
New York City. The Big Apple. The Greatest City in the World. Give us your poor, your tired, your dumbasses.
NYC was once the greatest city on Earth. Now a days it’s turning into San Francisco East, without all the homo stuff being their main “attraction”. By that I mean that New York City is turning into a nanny state faster than you can say I love New York. For example…salt on fast foods. Banned. Trans fats. Banned. Rush Limbaugh and his millions? Now in sunny South Florida. Glenn Beck and his broadcasting empire? Gawn to Big D. Is it the water? No. But it could be the schools.
What’s the Problem Here?
The NYC school department has notified firms that produce testing materials for New York schools to not use certain words and phrases in tests. Are we talking about words like “fuck”? No. “Bitch” or “ho”? Uh uh. Then what exactly are the offending words or phrases banned from these exams? Put some kind of padding on your desk to cushion the blow to your chin when it smacks against your desk top. Like we say in Texas, “You ain’t gonna believe this shit.”
Village of the Banned
Like lepers cast away into the furthest reaches of the land, the following lingo has been exiled into the Funk and Wagnalls Wasteland of Words.
Here’s a partial list from theblaze.com:
- Dinosaur – apparently people who don’t believe in evolution might be offended
- Halloween – rumored to support Paganism and that bothers some
- Birthday – Jehovah‘s Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays, so nobody else should know about it… right?
- Dancing – unless it is ballet dancing
- Computers – if mentioned as being in homes… use in schools and libraries is ok
More from The Blaze: “Topics like divorce and disease are to be avoided, because a student taking a test could be the child of a split marriage or might have a sick relative. Mentions of wealthy people could create jealousy. Poverty is also off limits, as poor or non-wealthy kids could be offended.”
Here’s a video from abc7 in New York that goes into a bit more detail.
Oh, Boy! It’s My Turn!
I am gonna go down the list above and put in my Dumbass Opinion. This is gonna be fun!
Dinosaur – So it tweaks those who don’t believe in evolution? Who. Gives. A. Shit? Not me. You don’t have to believe in evolution to understand that the Earth is not only 5 or 6000 years old. Hell, Phyllis Diller is that old! Then again, the idiots that this word offends are probably Jehovah’s Witnesses anyway. And who cares what those turds believe in? Oh, wait! These are the same dip sticks that don’t believe in birthdays either! If they don’t count birthdays, then how in God’s name could they understand the concept of “millions” of years? Oh, yeah, they can’t. Screw ’em. They don’t count.
My Verdict: Dinosaur and birthday stay in the tests and the Jehovah’s Witnesses get banned to New Jersey.
Halloween – Paganism? Yes, Halloween was once a Pagan holiday of some sort. That’s a fact. I ain’t gonna go into the history of Halloween, but you are welcomed to do so at Wikipedia. Besides, the broads not wearing masks on Halloween are prolly too ugly to nail anyway.
My Verdict: The Catholic Church says Halloween is OK. If the Pope says it’s cool, it’s cool. I gotta go with him on this one. So put masks on the ugly bitches get loaded and give ’em a good treat for Halloween. IYKWIMAITYD. Same for guys, too. I ain’t a sexist.
Dancing – Ballet? Are you kiddin’ me? That stuff is Homo City. Very cool stuff, but girly. Let the kids do some headbangin’. They’re kids for cryin’ out loud. BTW, the reason mayor Bloomberg doesn’t make whoppie standing up is because someone might think he’s dancing. I’m just sayin’.
My Verdict: Bloomberg and the people who run this testing program for NYC schools need to get laid. Just not standing up.
Computers – Whoever came up with this one should have his hard drive cut off with a rusty DVD.
My Verdict: I’ll offer a reward of 23 cents for video proof of a “de-hard driving”.
NYC – The Big Dumbass
I am not labeling the people of New York City as dumbasses, just the fucking asswipes who came up with all this politically correct bull shit. These nincompoops have no business potty training a kid, much less teaching them the 3 Rs. Fire ’em all. Every. Damn. One. Of. Them. Bring in some Honest-to-God “teachers” and administartors that have the best interests of the children they are teaching first. And fuck the NEA or whatever piece of doo doo union these “teachers” are a part of. But that’s another story for another day.
One more thing…there are over FOUR DOZEN words on the Not On NYC-DOE Tests List.
And here’s a single word that says it all to the New York City Department of Education. It’s Number 1 on my list.