Best of Dumbass News
Even as a Middle Aged Dumbass who has been around the coffee cup huntin’ the handle, I am still amazed that so many people, although not nearly as many as even 25 short years ago, stay in the same field of work at the same job with the same company for so many years. I have noticed over the last couple of years through my Facebook contact with long time friends, that many of them work for the same school district or company that they started with shortly after I last saw them a million years ago. Those years, by my standard, are measured in Dumbass Years. A Dumbass Year equals whatever I say it does. In this case, 37 years ago equals a million Dumbass Years. Hey, they’re my years so I quantify them how I want to.
For example, my Dad worked for the same company for 37 years and the only reason it wasn’t more is because they shut the place down. He would have had 40+ years seniority, easy. I know some people that work for the same company that did during the summers between High School years. I am looking at you, Randy Randle. 🙂 I think.
Today, I present to you another Seasoned Citizen to whom we can all look up to and admire as someone who has the same job for her whole life and she is eighty-two years old!
Her name is Doris Thompson.
And she’s a career criminal. I love the smell of persistence in the morning. It smells like a jail cell.
All About Doris
Doris – who has at least twenty-five aliases – has a rap sheet that dates back to before I was born! And I was born in 1956! Her criminal record dates as far back as 1955!
According to the LA Times, Doris “targeted doctors’ offices. He said she would enter an office, hide until closing and search for keys to the cash box. He said she stole about $17,000.
Thompson was arrested at an El Segundo hotel without incident, Watt said, and police found evidence linking her to the burglaries.
Watt said a detective who had dealt with Thompson identified her from a video that allegedly caught her in the act. The detective recognized her distinctive hair, which Thompson wears in a stand-on-its-end electric style similar to boxing promoter Don King.
Thompson has a 20-page rap sheet dating to 1955. Burglary appears to be her chosen career.
According to court records, Thompson has been imprisoned at least nine times for burglary in Los Angeles and Orange counties. She first spent time behind bars in 1983, when she was 53, according to the records. It’s unclear why they don’t go back further.”
I Hate These Walls…
Doris’ current crop of troubles stem from an incident in which she hid inside a rest room at Children’s Medical Group in Torrance, Cal-ee-forn-ya, then stole the place blind after she emerged from the can when employess of CMG had left for the day.
I was almost feeling sorry for Old Doris the Fucking Asshole Career Thief – after all she is somebody’s mother and grandmother- until I got to the “Childrens Medical Group” part. One of the items she swiped from CMG? A device to test children’s hearing. Lovely person the Old Battle Axe is, huh? Fuck Her.
Thankfully Doris is very old and with any luck her “career” has been “cut short” by this latest run in with the Law and Old Age. Maybe the citizens of Cal-ee-forn-ya won’t have to support her sorry ass for too long and she’ll be kind enough to, oh, I dunno, die soon.
I Couldn’t Care Less
I know. I know. I shouldn’t be so hard on this poor old lady. Bullshit! The old bitty has led a life of crime for parts of seven decades! And you want me to feel bad for her due to her current circumstances? Paraphrasing Richard Pryor, you are talkin’ to the wrong Fearless Leader, mothafuckah!
Yes, Doris is a Child of God and is due forgiveness for her transgressions, but she can be granted all the forgiveness she’ll ever get from the Good Lord His Own Self, not your Fearless Leader. My Forgive-O-Meter is broken when it comes to Doris Thompson. She has and deserves absolutely NONE of my sympathy or compassion. What’s the old saying? Insanity is doing the same thing time and again expecting different results? Doris is beyond “insane”, she’s a Dumbass.
I think I summed it up rather succinctly way up there ^^^^^ somewhere when I so delicately said, “Fuck. Her”.
Have a nice day, Doris.