Yale U: "Hey! Let’s Spend $385,000 of Taxpayer Money Studying Duck Ding Dongs!"

Disclaimer: I am not an economist. I am a Dumbass.

Having said that, being a Dumbass does not mean one is stoopid. On the other hand, being a Dumbass doesn’t necessarily preclude one from being stoopid. Unless of course one is speaking of the Federal Gubmint. But I digress.

Back to the economist thing…I am not formally trained in the field of economics. I am, however, well versed in the field of poverty. For example, I have a budget of “x” number of dollars each month. I gotta make do with “x” number of greenbacks or face the consequences. If I only have “x” dollars to work with, but I actually spend “x + 1” dollars, I have Officially Gone Into Debt. This is not a good thing. Since I have gone over my budget by a dollar, I have to either work to make a dollar to replace it or I have to cut back by a dollar on something else.

Pretty easy to understand, right?

Not if you are the Gubmint of the United States of America.

Let me splain.

Economy in the Crapper

I am not alone in not being a learned economist. There are at least 535 others just like me. And they all walk the Halls of Congress in Washington, DC. These men and women, elected by the people of our Representative Republic, have put this country in debt by over sixteen trillion dollars. 

This is what $16 trillion looks like:

That’s quite a stunning visual aid, ain’t it?
Lift Toilet Lid, Flush Money  
We could sit here all day and all night arguing about where to make cuts to the Federal Budget. There’s enough fraud, waste and pork to go around for all of us. But! There is one place I’m sure we can all agree on that goes beyond the pale, even for the U S Gubmint: the Study of Duck Dicks.
Yep, duck weenies.
The Gubmint of the United States actually paid almost $385,000 to Yale University to study various aspects of duck penises. Here’s some of the actual text from The Duck Ding Dong Study grant: “The project examines how reproductive morphology covaries with season, age, and social environment in a diverse sample of duck species that differ in ecology, territoriality and breeding system.”  That’s fancy schmancy Snooty Ivy League School Talk for, “Hey, fellas! You know how we can spend $385,000 of taxpayer money and have fun at the same time? By “researching” duck dicks!” 

If you think I am drunk and/or making this shit up, see for yourself at recovery.gov. <—–see that? (.gov) That means that this web site is run by the very people who voted to grant $385,000 to one of the most prestigious universities in the world to play with duck dongs! Talk about your Duck Dynasty!

Oddly enough, this is not our first foray into feathered friends foolishness. In one of our earliest Dumbass News stories, a Fwench guy was caught feeding marijuana to the ducks on his farm. In that story there was not one mention of Gus the Duck and Pot Guy getting his ducks stoned so he could take a close look at their peckers. 

Perhaps Gus should apply for a job at Yale.
Or the United States Gubmint.
Dumbasses.

***For Other Exciting Ways the Gubmint spends YOUR money, here’s a list of mind blowing ways your taxes get flushed from The Political Commentator***

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7 comments

  1. lorraine reguly

    If I only have "x" dollars to work with, but I actually spend "x + 1" dollars, I have Officially Gone Into Debt. If only more people would understand this concept…. sigh….

  2. stoo, D.E.

    Wow. I remember my dear departed dad ranting and raving about $80k spent on a study during the Carter years that was supposed to determine whether or not sterility was hereditary."If a person is sterile," he raged, "who are they going to pass it on to?!?!?"

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