I don’t know about you, but when I hear of a twenty-one year old man being a swinger, I tend to think of a Playboy-type guy. You know, always on the prowl for some, shall we say, “strange”. we all know the types – Charlie Sheen, for instance. Good ole Carlos is a swinger personified. Not that that’s a good thing, that’s just way it is. For those of you who don’t live in the USA, google “Charlie Sheen”. You’ll be entertained, or sick to your stomach, for hours on end. What fun! I’m not here to tell you about Charlie Sheen, even this blog has standards – as low as they may be. Let me splain.
I Splain Here
Speaking of California….Vallejo, to be exact, is our destination and the home of a real swinger. Did I mention that this guy is a dumbass also? I didn’t? This guy is a dumbass. Our twenty-one year old dumbass and some of his dumbass buddies were hanging around a park when one of them got a brilliant idea. His scheme? To bet our dumbass a c-note, a Ben Franklin, ah hell, a hundred bucks that he (the dumbass) couldn’t fit into one of the kiddie swings. having apparently sniffed too much model airplane glue and hanging around Occupy Wall Street gatherings, the dumbass says, “OK”. What could possibly go wrong?
Let me tell you what could, and did, go wrong. The dumbass somehow got hold of some liquid laundry soap and greased up his legs for much needed lubrication in order to fit into the kiddie swing. I’ll be damned if he didn’t fit into the swing! One problem though. He could not get out! But wait there’s more! Care to hazard a guess as to what that would be? Yep. You got it. His friends left the poor bastard stuck in the kiddie swing at the park! Now, this is not the Christian thing to do, but for dumbasses, this is the perfect thing to do. bwahahahaha Too damn funny. It gets even better! The poor dumbass sumbitch was in that kiddie swing all night long – more than nine hours. The next morning, somebody called the cops, who in turn called the Fire Department to rescue the shit-for-brains. I just knew nothing good would come of this, especially if you are the dumbass in question. For the rest of mankind this is funnier than a green turd in a punch bowl.
My Advice to the Dumbass
First off, I’d go purchase a decent .12 gauge shotgun and some #6 shells. After buying the scatter gun and ammo, open up the shells, dump out all the little bb’s and replace them with rock salt. Second, round up the three other guys who left you hanging out to dry and have them over for a beer. Third, tell them that they have exactly three seconds to run as far as they can before you turn Clint Eastwood on their sorry asses. Fourth, load up each of their rear ends with as much rock salt as time and distance permit. They will remember you for a long time to come. Fifth, drink all the beer that they brought over as a peace offering. Sixth, Sweet Revenge.
The next time you idiots (the dumbass & friends) want to piss away 100 bucks, click on the little radio button located at the top right side of this page (it says “Donate” on it), click it and follow the prompts. I’ll be glad to take it off your hands. No laundry soap required.