2013. That has a nice ring to it. Happy New Year to the Dumbass Horde!
As you know, over the last few days we have been passing out Dummy Awards in a plethora of categories to the most deserving Dumbasses of 2012. Before we get to The Big One, the 3rd Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award, let’s take a quick look back at the “winners” thus far.
- Best Use of Duct Tape By a Nekkid Dumbass
- Best Use of 9-1-1 by a Drunk Dumbass
- The Flaming Dumbass Award
- Dumbass Dongs of 2012
What an outstanding group of Dumbasses! And to think, these maroons are winners in the preliminary categories! The excitement is overwhelming!
Don’t vapor lock on me yet. We’ll announce the Finalists and the Big Winner of the 3rd Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award tomorrow! Vapor locking today would preclude you from experiencing this magnanimous occasion Wednesday. Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.
|Jury of Your Peers – Do They Look Happy to Be There?|
If I have learned one thing in life it is that if you want to keep a secret or keep something private, it is best to not go on a 50,000 watt, clear channel radio station heard in almost 40 states and share your little story. I am fairly certain that such an act would let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. I could be wrong here, but I don’ think so.
KOA, 850 AM in Denver, Colorado is one of the most famous radio stations in the country. They are legendary in broadcast circles. KOA has been broadcasting for over 80 years and is very popular throughout the state. I have spent many hours listening to KOA in any number of states in the USA. It goes everywhere!
Knowing what we know, it would be safe to assume that you were to do an interview on KOA, that there would be someone you know is listening at that very minute. As a matter of fact, you can take it to the bank. Just ask Susan Cole.
Susan was talking on the air with long time KOA talk show host Dave Logan (a former Denver Broncos wide receiver) telling the tale of how she skipped out on jury duty. She told Logan that she faked mental illness in order to avoid serving on a jury. Two things here: 1) Shirking your civic obligation to serve on jury duty, as big a pain in the ass as it can be, is not a good idea. 2) Faking an illness or lying to the Jury Duty Guys in order to avoid service is a felony. I’m just sayin’. And as one who suffers from BiPolar Disorder and ADHD, making light of mental illness is not very nice. It doesn’t offend me personally (none of my personalities….hahaha) but it sill ain’t cool. I can also state categorically that I have papers to prove I am a basket case, can you prove you’re sane? I didn’t think so.
Remember that part up there ^^^ where I said if you were on KOA, somebody you know would be listening? Guess what? As Susan told of her web of deceit, somebody she knew was listening to her tell it! Susan’s friend was not amused and reported her to the authorities. Karma, bitch, karma.
In the very near future, Susan won’t be telling tall tales on the radio, but she will be listening to them in the Denver County Jail – as a convicted felon.
I know how inconvenient serving jury duty can be, I’ve been there. But it really is a civic obligation not to be taken lightly or routinely dismissed simply because it comes at a bad time. Juries are the foundation of our legal system and without them things could get pretty chaotic pretty quick. Just serve when you’re call upon to do so. You might actually learn something about how the criminal justice system works. There is another way to observe the workings of the justice system up close. That is to shirk jury duty. You’ll just get to see the system from the other side while 12 of your peers decide that your are an unAmerican dumbass lying to get out of the very thing they are there for. And all 12 of them may not be in a good mood on your day in court. Think about it.
Just ask Susan Cole.