There are many things that make this country the unique place that it is. The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, the Federalist Papers and so on and so forth. But enough he secondary things that separate us from the rest of the world.
Let’s get to the red meat. Real American things. Merle Haggard. Shakespeare with a guitar. The guy is brilliant. NASCAR. Turn left a lot, go faster than the other guy and try not to wreck when you’re 6 inches off another car’s rear bumper going 200 mph. These men are frakkin’ incredible. And certainly last but not least by any means, dwarf tossing! There is nothing more American than picking up a small person and hurling them through the at incredible speeds. OK, I made up the part about incredible speeds. That requires rockets and most Dwarf Tossers do not own or have access to rockets. Unless they are terrorists. But terrorists only toss teensy weensy camels, so screw ’em all. Pussies.
As I note in the post you will read in a moment, dwarf tossing is a God-given right as noted in the Constitution of the United States. Or Dwarf Tossing Weekly, I forget. Anyway, dwarf tossing is an activity the whole family can enjoy together, especially the runts in your family. Dwarf tossing gives them hope for a bright future, a chance to put their natural abilities to work for them. <sniffle> I love this country.
“You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Nominee
Above, I gave you some facts about dwarf tossing. Not only is it the future of America, it is a sport that has made headlines even in the Dumbass World. Read this post to find out more about our second nominee for the coveted Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award. It is sure to make you proud to be an American. I know it did me.