I have contracted an incurable disease normally found only in the deepest darkest jungles of the Amazon Basin. OK, I made that up. I have, however, come up with a dandy case of The Crud. My wife has been sick for a few weeks and she was nice enough to pass The Crud on to me. I’d like to thank her for that, but I can’t. I’d like to call her names too for making me sick, but she’d just beat me up, so I think I’ll just suffer through whatever The Crud brings me. I hope to be back tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s a story I wrote back in September I think you’ll like
Fearless, But Infirm Leader of the Dumbass Horde
There’s a fat guy in Nanuet, New York that does fat people everywhere a disservice by being a complete and utter dumbass. Said fat guy weighs 290 pounds and he’s all pissed of at a local White Castle burger joint. You see where this is going? Anyway, Fat Guy is suing the White Castle because, wait. for. it., the seats in the place are too small and fail to meet standards set forth in the Americans With Disabilities Act. Fat Guy first complained about the too small seats a couple of years ago and the company responded by promising to install bigger seats and sending him some coupons for, get this, three free White Castle burgers! Lemme get this straight. A fat guy is suing you because the booths in your restaurant are too small and you send him coupons for free burgers? Earth to White Castle…
Where to begin? Let’s start with the ADA. It’s a steaming pile of gubmint intervention into business. But that’s a discussion for another time. Fat Guy is suing White Castle because of the small seats in their establishment. I wonder if Fat Guy ever thought that maybe he’s a tub of lard because he eats too often at White Castle??!! And McDonalds. And Fat Burgers. Eat some fucking yogurt dumbass! Fast food, when consumed by the 55 gallon drum, will make you look like a hot air balloon. And you have the balls to sue White Castle because the seats are too small? Maybe they should sue you for crushing their seats like a rotten tomato by slapping your fat ass down on them. Oh wait! I almost forgot, Fat Guy says that he wants bigger seats so he can “sit down like a normal person”. Then quit eating White Castle burgers like they are siphoned through a beer bong. Good Gawd, man! You don’t need bigger seats, you need to lose two of your asses, dipshit. Try Subway for cryin’ out loud. Until then, shut the fuck up. And have another cheeseburger.