Category: AOL

Outstanding Real-Life Dumabsses w/ Outstanding Real-Life Dumbass Names

As great a Research Assistant as Mrs. Fearless Leader is, there’s only so much she can do in helping to bring you the absolute best, or worst, depending on your perspective, Dumbass News available on the intar tubes. I wish I had a dozen of her. But she nixed the cloning idea out of hand as, as she put it it, “a bunch of bullshit, you motherfucker.” She’s direct and to the point when she’s nice to me like that.

I say this because the people at the HuffPo are lucky to have some stoopid fuck with more money than brains as an employer. I am sure they have all the latest technology and a handful of Dumbasses to gather stoopid shit from around the net. Why do you think that I steal use them as a starting point for so much of what I write about? They get all the good stuff, that’s why! I just make it better.

The rat bastids.

But I still got Mrs. Fearless Leader. And she’s the best in the bidness.

Screw HuffPo. In a metaphorical kind of way, of course.

But I digress.

Dumbass Spew Alert: Be Seated and Consume No Liquids

I frequently write about Dumbass Newspaper Headlines and Dumbass Criminals like the guy who tried to kill another man with a toilet seat! 

Usually the dip shits who commit these acts of Dumbassery have normal-type names, like John Smith or ray Freeman. However! Thanks to the Dumbass department at HuffPuffIDipSnuff, i am glad to report that there are some Bad Guys out there with names only belong to a Dumbass!

For example…

Examples

A guy in South Florida was recently invited to be a guest of the Miami-Dade County Crossbar Hilton after he pulled a Felony Trifecta (assault, resisting an officer, probation violation & more). His name? (Ad Lib Spew Alert Reminder!) Jackmeoff Mudd! I kid you not!

But wait! There’s more!!!

In Wisconsin, a Dumbass got busted for a bunch of stuff. His handle (and I ain’t makin’ this up!) is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop.  

These two numbnuts are only the beginning of the Dumbasses with Dumbass Names Class of ’12. There is also Leonard G. Dickman and Donald Duck. Daniel Noody, Draco Slaughter (a bomb scare guy) and Joseph Moron also make the list

We can’t discount Dalcapone Alpaccino Morris, sex offender Mister Love or Tyrannusaurus Rex Mullens, also a pervert who should be strung up by the gazebos until he is grave yard dead and agood ole Patrick Molesti who is just an ordinary Dumbass Crook, not a sex offender.

If you’d appreciate a belly laugh or two, click on over to the HuffPo slide show featuring outstanding Dumbass photos of our Inaugural Group of Dumbasses with Dumbass Names (Class of ’12). It’s worth the look.

Dumbasses.

Organic Dumbass Romance

The internet has had an amazing effects on today’s society. Nowadays you can go online to pay bills, shop, do research, date and a thousand other things. I want to focus on the dating thing for today’s post. As you may or may not know, I met my wife online. 

Quick recap: we met in an AOL Chat Room , became friends, exchanged phone calls and one day I showed up here in Maine, not really knowing what to expect, but we ended up getting married and having a baby together. I have now been here for almost five years and everything is great.

In spite of the fact that the internet has changed, or added to, the way things are done, the old fashion meet and greet of the real world still is the way to go for most people. Most single people prefer the old fashioned way to seek a mate…face to face. And one of the staples of finding a partner is till going strong. I am talking of meeting in a supermarket. Nothing says I love you like when two people reach for the same cumquat, touch hands and feel the sparks between each other.

But some dumbasses go to specialty grocery stores to meet and seek love over the tofu. Rainbow Foods of Minneapolis, Minny-sota is a trend setter when it comes to such encounters. Should we call thee knot heads Organic Dumbasses? I dunno. A spokes-organic dumbass for the grocery retailer explains, “Several people make the same types of food, and you can have a conversation that’s not intimidating.” Here’s some more organic dumbassery for you, “said co-op shoppers are likely to make connections because they “know that (others) share some values … whether environmental or health or the treatment of animals.”

Tofu or Not Tofu, That Is the Question

I can see it now. Two  organic dumbasses are admiring the bean sprouts when one of them says, “Nice global warming we’re having today”.

Then the other organic dumbass responds, “Yes, it is. The Polar Ice Caps are melting at an alarming rate and soon sea levels will rise by 20 feet! How about you and I go for a latte sometime?” If I weren’t busy heaving up breakfast, I’d find that type of meeting as Gaia-inspired.

The conversation continues, “I hope these bean sprouts are from free range beans. I could never forgive myself if they weren’t.”

The response, “Ooooh, baby, you really curdle my soy milk when you talk like that. Let’s live in sin together!” An organic dumbass romance is born.

Kiss My Organic Ass

I don’t want to rag people because they share the same interests like global warming and tofu…as a matter of fact, I DO want to rag on them because they are organic dumbasses! On top of that, they are generally a bunch of condescending assholes who think they are better than their non-organic dumbass friends. So Gaia damn them all!

And kiss my organic ass.

Organic dumbasses.