Today we’re going to start this post off with a quiz.
Why is this man so happy?
1) He got to see Heidi Montag’s new sweater puppies
2) He won the Publishers’ Clearinghouse Sweepstakes
3) He was born that way
4) He just won the Dumbass of the Year Award
5) He swallowed a bag of high grade cocaine
While I realize that answers 1, 2 and 4 would be perfectly acceptable answers, either as a whole, a combination of two of the three or individually, neither scenario is the correct answer. Whereas 5 stands alone on its merits and it is the correct response.
The young man, Art Taylor, was pulled over by the heat in Framingham, Mass. when he made a turn without signaling. Let me jump in here. How many times do I gotta tell you dumbasses who are carrying illicit substances in your or on your person while in your car, to use the damn turn signals! If you are stupid enough to carry coke (not the cola) while disobeying a traffic law, you are a Grade A Dumbass and you deserve whatever punishment comes your way. I do not want to have to go over this simple rule of drug-running again! You’d think that you dumbasses would have learned this by now. But I digress.
Back to our man Art, here… the idiot was pulled over for failure to signal a turn. Long story short. When the cops got up to his car to find out what’s up, Art reaches into the center console and pulls out a bag of cocaine right in front of the cops! The cop, ever the vigilant civil servant, quickly deduced that Art is a dumbass in possession of a controlled substance. Springing into action, the cop tried to wrestle the bag of coke from Art, but Art was just a bit quicker and put the whole bag of coke in his mouth! The fuzz pulled Art out of his sled and tried like crazy to separate the cocaine and Art. Too late. Art had swallowed the bag of coke. No matter though, except maybe to Art, as the suspect was finally put into custody and hauled off to the City Lockup and charged with a felony or two.
I figure that once Art came down from his “my face is frozen like this” cocaine buzz, the expression on his face was somewhat less expressive. Dumbass.
(hat tip JammieWearingFool)