Category: Ashley Madison

Lady Messes w/Python; Python Latches on to Dumbass Lady’s Face!

Best of Dumbass News

The People’s Republic of Madison is a very nice city. That is if you could chase off the Liberal weenies and Liberal weenie college kids at the University of Wisconsin who live there. Liberal weenie-ism, and by definition dumbassery, is a way of life in Madtown and today’s story will show you just what kind of dumbass occupies this lovely burg.

Book Club Meeting 

A 31 year old woman, whose name is not mentioned in my source story, was attending a book club meeting recently when she got a little bit more than a review and nice discussion on the book in question, Communism for Dummies. Other than the book, there was something else at the meeting that caught the lady’s eye. A 4-foot long ball python. 

The snake was in an aquarium at the meeting place, the lady noticed it and thought “Oh, boy!. There’s a 4-foot long ball python in that aquarium! Why don’t I take it out of there!” So she did. She shouldn’t have. Supposedly this dumbass bimbo had experience in handling snakes, but based on what happened next, I ain’t so sure. I think maybe her experience with serpents was limited to a man’s nether regions and rubber snakes used as props in her stripper routine. OK, I’m busted. I made up that last part about men’s you-know-whats and stripping, although it sounds plausible to me.

The python took exception to being removed from its cozy little domicile and promptly bit the dumbass lady in the face! To my knowledge, once a python has a grip on something, it’s not in any hurry to let go of it and this snake was no different than any other python. He latched on and had to be “persuaded” to let go. And by “persuaded” I mean shot with a Clint Eastwood size pistol. You caught me again. I made up the bit about the Clint Eastwood pistol. I did not, however, make up the part about the snake remaining attached to the broad’s face. He was quite content. Did I tell you that pythons, even though not venomous, have teeth? They do. Lots of them. That’s how they hold on to their prey until they can squeeze it until it’s a lifeless lump. The dumbass lady wasn’t hurt too bad and the snake’s owner was able to remove it from the nosy dame’s face.

Lesson Learned

One thing that came to mind upon reading this story was, why did the dumbass have to mess with the snake in the first place? But then again I don’t like snakes, so it’s a foreign concept to me. Also, if she had experience in handling snakes, how could she let it get within striking distance of her face? It may be just me, but if I’m holding a 4-foot snake of any kind, I am protecting two things (three, depending on how you count ’em): my face and my gazebos. After 55 years, I have grown quite fond of the two (three?) of them.

As I said, the lady wasn’t seriously injured, but I am concerned about the health of the python. That broad could have been infected with some kind of livestock disease. Have you ever seen the corn-fed Liberal weenie women, especially the ones who go to book club meetings, in Madison? I have. In the mid-80s. And I haven’t been back to town since. I’m just sayin’.

Dumbasses.

Curiosity & the Dumbass; What Could Go Wrong?

Madison Skyline

The People’s Republic of Madison is a very nice city. That is if you could chase off the Liberal weenies and Liberal weenie college kids at the University of Wisconsin who live there. Liberal weenie-ism, and by definition dumbassery, is a way of life in Madtown and today’s story will show you just what kind of dumbass occupies this lovely burg.

Book Club Meeting 

A 31 year old woman, whose name is not mentioned in my source story, was attending a book club meeting recently when she got a little bit more than a review and nice discussion on the book in question, Communism for Dummies. Other than the book, there was something else at the meeting that caught the lady’s eye. A 4-foot long ball python.

The snake was in an aquarium at the meeting place, the lady noticed it and thought “Oh, boy!. There’s a 4-foot long ball python in that aquarium! Why don’t I take it out of there!” So she did. She shouldn’t have. Supposedly this dumbass bimbo had experience in handling snakes, but based on what happened next, I ain’t so sure. I think maybe her experience with serpents was limited to a man’s nether regions and rubber snakes used as props in her stripper routine. OK, I’m busted. I made up that last part about men’s you-know-whats and stripping, although it sounds plausible to me.

The python took exception to being removed from its cozy little domicile and promptly bit the dumbass lady in the face! To my knowledge, once a python has a grip on something, it’s not in any hurry to let go of it and this snake was no different than any other python. He latched on and had to be “persuaded” to let go. And by “persuaded” I mean shot with a Clint Eastwood size pistol. You caught me again. I made up the bit about the Clint Eastwood pistol. I did not, however, make up the part about the snake remaining attached to the broad’s face. He was quite content. Did I tell you that pythons, even though not venomous, have teeth? They do. Lots of them. That’s how they hold on to their prey until they can squeeze it until it’s a lifeless lump. The dumbass lady wasn’t hurt too bad and the snake’s owner was able to remove it from the nosy dame’s face.

Lesson Learned

One thing that came to mind upon reading this story was, why did the dumbass have to mess with the snake in the first place? But then again I don’t like snakes, so it’s a foreign concept to me. Also, if she had experience in handling snakes, how could she let it get within striking distance of her face? It may be just me, but if I’m holding a 4-foot snake of any kind, I am protecting two things (three, depending on how you count ’em): my face and my gazebos. After 55 years, I have grown quite fond of the two (three?) of them.

As I said, the lady wasn’t seriously injured, but I am concerned about the health of the python. That broad could have been infected with some kind of livestock disease. Have you ever seen the corn-fed Liberal weenie women, especially the ones who go to book club meetings, in Madison? I have. In the mid-80s. And I haven’t been back to town since. I’m just sayin’.

Dumbasses.

Curiosity Gets the Best of the Dumbass

Madison – A Very Pretty City

The People’s Republic of Madison is a very nice city. That is if you could chase off the Liberal weenies and Liberal weenie college kids at the University of Wisconsin who live there. Liberal weenie-ism, and by definition dumbassery, is a way of life in Madtown and today’s story will show you just what kind of dumbass occupies this lovely burg.

Book Club Meeting 

A 31 year old woman, whose name is not mentioned in my source story, was attending a book club meeting recently when she got a little bit more than a review and nice discussion on the book in question, Communism for Dummies. Other than the book, there was something else at the meeting that caught the lady’s eye. A 4-foot long ball python.

The snake was in an aquarium at the meeting place, the lady noticed it and thought “Oh, boy!. There’s a 4-foot long ball python in that aquarium! Why don’t I take it out of there!” So she did. She shouldn’t have. Supposedly this dumbass bimbo had experience in handling snakes, but based on what happened next, I ain’t so sure. I think maybe her experience with serpents was limited to a man’s nether regions and rubber snakes used as props in her stripper routine. OK, I’m busted. I made up that last part about men’s you-know-whats and stripping, although it sounds plausible to me.

The python took exception to being removed from its cozy little domicile and promptly bit the dumbass lady in the face! To my knowledge, once a python has a grip on something, it’s not in any hurry to let go of it and this snake was no different than any other python. He latched on and had to be “persuaded” to let go. And by “persuaded” I mean shot with a Clint Eastwood size pistol. You caught me again. I made up the bit about the Clint Eastwood pistol. I did not, however, make up the part about the snake remaining attached to the broad’s face. He was quite content. Did I tell you that pythons, even though not venomous, have teeth? They do. Lots of them. That’s how they hold on to their prey until they can squeeze it until it’s a lifeless lump. The dumbass lady wasn’t hurt too bad and the snake’s owner was able to remove it from the nosy dame’s face.

Lesson Learned

One thing that came to mind upon reading this story was, why did the dumbass have to mess with the snake in the first place? But then again I don’t like snakes, so it’s a foreign concept to me. Also, if she had experience in handling snakes, how could she let it get within striking distance of her face? It may be just me, but if I’m holding a 4-foot snake of any kind, I am protecting two things (three, depending on how you count ’em): my face and my gazebos. After 55 years, I have grown quite fond of the two (three?) of them.

As I said, the lady wasn’t seriously injured, but I am concerned about the health of the python. That broad could have been infected with some kind of livestock disease. Have you ever seen the corn-fed Liberal weenie women, especially the ones who go to book club meetings, in Madison? I have. In the mid-80s. And I haven’t been back to town since. I’m just sayin’.

Dumbasses.

Survey: Sluts, I Mean Mistresses Get Better Christmas Gifts Than Wives

Forsaking all others….Except sluts

Naughty Words Alert!  The Internet is a wonderful thing, most of the time. With a few keystrokes, you can look up medical advice, get directions to just about anywhere, read brilliant commentary like you do on this very site (OK, not so much) and set up an extramarital rendezvous. I. Kid.You. Not. You can even find someone to cheat on your spouse with! I am not talking about finding someone in a chat room or party site, I am talking about a site whose sole purpose is specifically to line you up with a paramour! If you think I’m kidding, click this link. Notice their motto? “Life is short. Have an affair”. How about a motto like “You put your gazebos on the chopping block, we give your wife the ginsu knife?” I have a few sites where I find stoopid shit like this to put up on this blog, and as a professional Dumbass News researcher, I can assure you that websites like the one at the link above are not uncommon, sadly, and there’s always some dumbass looking to make a buck off the marital discord of some other dumbass. 

I point out the aforementioned site because I found an article that stated that mistresses of married men receive better Christmas presents than their wives! What the hell??!! These dumbass married fuckers buy their sluts girlfriends jewelry, lingerie and trips to the day spa. Those pesky women these assholes married for better or worse, sickness and health and all that, get perfume, bath and body products and the always-romantic gift card. This vital information comes from a survey conducted by the web site at the link above. All told, according to Whores R Us (I just made that part up), men spend twice as much money on their concubines than on their wives. From the article in question, the web site “says it has been keeping an eye on this aspect of holiday gift-buying for five years, says it got 143,717 responses this year, up from 28,994 in 2006.

And with the United States going through some tough economic times, the survey found men are showing financial restraint — spending 22 percent less on their wives compared with 2006, while putting a freeze on their extramarital spending.” Let me get this straight. Wives – the mother of the douchebag’s children, his partner-for-life gets a 22% cut in Christmas gift value and the gold digging hookers of these same men still get the usual pay-for-pussy rates. Sounds like the Liberals’ economic voodoo, pay the shiftless and punish the “producers”. But, I digress.

On that happy note, I hope Santa delivers ginsu knives to all the betrayed wives along with a “How To De-Gazebo a Philandering Asswipe” instruction manual and a nice bout with genital herpes to the sleazy bitches that screw those dickweeds. Fucking dumbasses.