Category: Atlanta

DUI On a Bull Dozer!

Best of Dumbass News

Every story I write about on this blog has earned the right to call itself Dumbass News-worthy. But there is the occasional tale that is tailor-made for this blog like John Wayne was made to be a Cowboy. You know the kind of story I am talking about. One so perfect that you almost have to question its authenticity. That’s how the following story is. Hand meet glove. Enuff said.

Would you be surprised if I told you this perfect Dumbass story involved alcohol? And a guy with three names? And a bulldozer?

I didn’t think so.

B. U. I. (Bulldozing Under the Influence)

Cody Ray Gibbs had already been cited for DUI once before. He thought he was safe from a second one, so he went out and got tanked up with his buddies and finally it was time to go home. On the bulldozer he drove to the bar.

Here’s what the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation had to say: “Cody Ray Gibbs, 22, was allegedly under the influence of alcohol when he intentionally destroyed concrete curbing, erosion silt fence and landscaping at a construction site near Powder Springs where homes were to be built, according to an arrest warrant obtained by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Gibbs did not have consent of the property owners to operate the bulldozer between 2 and 2:30 a.m. Aug. 2, the warrant states. The warrant does not state whether or not Gibbs was employed by the company that owned the bulldozer.
A week later, Gibbs was arrested and charged with second degree criminal damage, a felony. Property developers told police that damage was estimated at $10,000.”

What the Hell?

That is just one question I’d like to ask…what the hell? “What the fuck?” comes to mind as well. As does “are you friggin’ kiddin’ me?” Who does this guy think he is, George Jones? (It’s a long story, google “george jones + riding lawnmower” to get the deal)

Cody Ray “D – 9 Cat” Gibbs
  • What the heck was Cody Ray thinkin’ when he decided to take the dozer and go drinking in the first place.
  • Was he hoping to impress the chciks with his ride?
  • Between 2 and 2:30 AM? On a bulldozer? After a night of consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages? Really?
  • What was he drinking and can I have some? Please.

What Next?

Guys have been busted for DUI on scooters, bikes, motorized wheel chairs and, like George Jones, on riding lawn mowers.The lesson here is that the drinking and driving laws in most states cover a wide range of vehicles for you to get popped on if you are plowed and driving one of them.

So, all you Dumbass Drunks out there take heed. You could be next to be arrested for DUI on a horse or something.

Next thing you know they’ll make it illegal to be fubared and drive a school bus.

Dumbasses.

Dumbass Busted for DUI on Bull Dozer!

Every story I write about on this blog has earned the right to call itself Dumbass News-worthy. But there is the occasional tale that is tailor-made for this blog like John Wayne was made to be a Cowboy. You know the kind of story I am talking about. One so perfect that you almost have to question its authenticity. That’s how the following story is. Hand meet glove. Enuff said.

Would you be surprised if I told you this perfect Dumbass story involved alcohol? And a guy with three names? And a bulldozer?

I didn’t think so.

B. U. I. (Bulldozing Under the Influence) 

Cody Ray Gibbs had already been cited for DUI once before. He thought he was safe from a second one, so he went out and got tanked up with his buddies and finally it was time to go home. On the bulldozer he drove to the bar.

Here’s what the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation had to say: “Cody Ray Gibbs, 22, was allegedly under the influence of alcohol when he intentionally destroyed concrete curbing, erosion silt fence and landscaping at a construction site near Powder Springs where homes were to be built, according to an arrest warrant obtained by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Gibbs did not have consent of the property owners to operate the bulldozer between 2 and 2:30 a.m. Aug. 2, the warrant states. The warrant does not state whether or not Gibbs was employed by the company that owned the bulldozer.
A week later, Gibbs was arrested and charged with second degree criminal damage, a felony. Property developers told police that damage was estimated at $10,000.”

What the Hell?

That is just one question I’d like to ask…what the hell? “What the fuck?” comes to mind as well. As does “are you friggin’ kiddin’ me?” Who does this guy think he is, George Jones? (It’s a long story, google “george jones + riding lawnmower” to get the deal)

Cody Ray “D – 9 Cat” Gibbs
  • What the heck was Cody Ray thinkin’ when he decided to take the dozer and go drinking in the first place.
  • Was he hoping to impress the chciks with his ride?
  • Between 2 and 2:30 AM? On a bulldozer? After a night of consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages? Really?
  • What was he drinking and can I have some? Please.

What Next? 

Guys have been busted for DUI on scooters, bikes, motorized wheel chairs and, like George Jones, on riding lawn mowers.The lesson here is that the drinking and driving laws in most states cover a wide range of vehicles for you to get popped on if you are plowed and driving one of them.

So, all you Dumbass Drunks out there take heed. You could be next to be arrested for DUI on a horse or something.

Next thing you know they’ll make it illegal to be fubared and drive a school bus.

Dumbasses.

Georgia Town Bans Pants That Show Ass!

No More Exposed Asses!

Today is gonna b a wild day here at the Dumbass Dome, so I went down stairs and rumaged mtyway around the Dumbass Dungeon and came up with Good Ole Goodern for you today. I’ll make an effort to put up a new post later so until then, go out and make it a Dumbass Day!

I have found a town where I would like to raise my family should the need arise. Jonesboro, Georgia. Why? Because of its Southern charm? no. The laid back life in Jonesboro? Nope. Its proximity to Atlanta? Never been to Hotlanta and don’t want to go. I love Jonesboro, Georgia because they have done something few cities across this country have the balls to do. They have banned saggy pants!

This has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time. Our young people today have been exposed to a bunch of punks and dumbasses (I am looking squarely at you, rappers) and their parents have fallen asleep at the wheel when it comes to common sense regarding their kids’ choice of wardrobe these days. Dumbasses. Nobody wants to see your ass or drawers in public, ya little goofballs. I mean this ain’t young men imitating Elvis or the Beatles by growing sideburns or longer hair. We’re talking a public display of rear ends and underwear here. Pull your damn pants up! If you want to show your butts and Fruit of the Looms in public, go to San Francisco. After a couple of days there, you’ll buy a chain and a padlock to keep your pants up. Don’t believe me? Take a look at what happens at the Folsom Street Fair in San Fransissy. Warning! Not safe for work or Children! Those guys would love to see your ass on public display. I don’t.

I’d like to personally thank the City leaders of Jonesboro for doing what so many Local leaders of cities all over the US are too scared or unwilling to do. Pussies. It’s comforting to know that somebody somewhere still cares about decency and good manners and teaching our children that “if it feels good, do it” is a fucked up way to go through life. “But, Toby”, you say, “all the other kids do it!”. I don’t give a shit if the Pope does it, it still ain’t right! It doesn’t make you look like a tough guy or real cool, it makes you look like a fucking idiot. And for you parents…get a grip on your kids! Bust some ass if you have to, ground them or take away their car keys, whatever it takes to get them to look respectable in public. You are the final arbiter in situations like this. Use some parental authority and use it til the kids puke. They are your responsibility until they turn 18. At 18 if they wanna dress like Kanye West, fine. Until then, tell them to quit dressing like a bunch of dipshit rappers that promote sex like it was chocolate and who denegrate women like they were the King’s concubines. Fuck the rappers. Man (or woman) up!

Dumbasses.