|100% Dumbass News Approved***|
We are already one full week into 2012 and things around Dumbass News keep getting better and better, thanks to you, the Dumbasses of the World in 121 Dumbass Nations. I like the sound of that, Dumbass Nations. Has sort of a “band of brothers” feel to it. I am honored to be your Fearless Dumbass Leader, the Duke of Dumbass the Head Dumbass in Charge, the…OK, that’s enough of that.
Sorry, I lost my mind just for a moment.
Anyway, 2012 is shaping up to be by far, the best year ever for this blog and I am excited as a Dumbass Hobo in a likker store with a pocket full of cheese. For those of you in San Francisco, “cheese” is not what you guys find in your dirty Fruit of the Looms, it means “money” ya frakkin’ idjits. Speaking of cash flow, mine has slowed down to an ebb and your generous Dumbass Donation can be made through PayPal by clicking on the “Donate” button in the right sidebar. Any such gifts would be greatly appreciated. Dumbasses. 🙂
The 1st Week of 2012
We left 2011 behind in grand style as we paid homage to the best dumbasses last year had to offer. The explosion of dumbassery carried over into the New Year with the first few dumbasses of 2012.
So, let’s hop into the Dumbass Wayback Machine and take a look at this past week of the best dumbass news stories found anywhere in the World Wide Web.
The 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Awards
For a complete look at the various “You Big Dummy” Award nominees and the winners in the different categories click this link. (After reading the story, scroll down below the post and look for “Newer Posts”, click there on every page and that will lead you to next Award Presentation. Just keep going until you get to the “You Big Dummy” winner)
The Oscars, Grammys and all those fake awards have nothing on the “Dummies”. Hey, we take this shit seriously, unlike those pussies at the other award shows. Our Dumbass of the Year candidates are selected and awarded based on the merits of their dumbassery. No politics involved. Unless it tweaks the Fwench and the homos and non-homos of San Francisco. I hate the Fwench and the jizz dumpsters in San Fran.
- Starting 2012 with a Threefer Dumbass Bonus! The three “Curious” Old Bastards in this story scream for the manly affections of the Twinkletoes Crowd in S.F. Truly sickening and truly dumbass. Ya gotta love it.
- The Pistola in Starbucks – Dumbass chick takes loaded gun to coffee shop. Gun discharges. Criminal procedures ensue.
- I’ll Take “I Got Fined $200 Large for Keeping Chickens in My Yard Because the City is Run By Bigots”, Alex – This one is a riot. The Dumbass in this tale of woe claims he is being singled out by City Officials because he is of Moroccan-Syrian extract. Did I mention that he is a Jew? To my knowledge, the fine dictators of Morocco and Syria would find great pleasure in BBQing this fucking idiot and using him for camel food simply because he is a Jew, and he claims prejudice in the F-L-A? I am almost 100% certain that the asshole is the only person of Arab heritage in Florida, so it must be bigotry. <—–That’s sarcasm, by the way. Read it and weep.
Now you can understand why I am so stoked about 2012. I am confident that the crop of Dumbasses in ’12 will be the Best Bunch Ever! Especially if they are butthurt Arabs, Fwench or homos in San Francissy. This year is gonna be great!
***See Copyright in Image***
|And the Winner is….|
Welcome to the 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial You Big Dummy Awards! Today we will present to you the nominees and winners of the coveted Dummy Awards for outstanding performances by Dumbasses from around the world in various categories of Dumbassery as only a true Dumbass can do it. The results of the balloting for the 2011 Dummies have been hermetically sealed in a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 in a dumpster on Skid Row in Los Angeles since the day before yesterday. All results are final and irrevocable as tabulated by three homeless guys in South Dallas after a week-long bender on stale Schlitz Beer.
Now, on to the Dummies!
Category: Best Performance by a Dumbass, Boobs Division
The nominees are:
The Blonde on TruTV – Blonde gets arrested for DUI in Vegas, goes to jail, shows knockers to all people within eye sight. She then files suit saying she was too drunk to sign a release for her and her tits to be shown on TV…a year and a half later!
Mom Gives Voucher for Boob Job to 7 Year Old Daughter – Mom, who has spent $800,000 on her own “cosmetic” surgeries says she wants the kid to have fake boobs because that’s what the kid wants. Fucking brilliant.
81 Year Old Fake Doctor Gives Door to Door Breast Exams – Need I explain?
And the winner of the Dummy is……..the 81 Year old Fake Doctor Giving Door to Door Breast Exams! This one was easy. While the drunk lady in the Vegas lock up and the idiot Mom giving the gift of fake boobs to her 7 year old are worthy of nomination, any 81 year old guy who can go door to door and convince women to let him feel their boobs is The Man of the Century as far as I am concerned. Congratulations you dirty old bastard and I hope you stay a dirty old bastard until you are a dead old bastard. Well done, Sir. Well done indeed.
You Big Dummy!
|You Big Dummy Nominee|
Heads up, Dumbasses! I have just completed the most difficult task I have faced as Head Dumbass of this here blog. It was a challenge so taxing, so overwhelming, so stoopid that it took me almost ten minutes to accomplish! What was this most back breaking of assignments? I spent nearly ten full minutes of hell just to come up with the nominees for the Dumbass of the Year Award! You read that right, you dumbass, you! Here come the Dummies!
The 2nd Annual Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy!”Awards will take place on Saturday, December 31, 2011! I can almost smell
the scent of cow manure the aroma of boredom anticipation in the air as the magic day approaches! The Dummies, as they affectionately called, are awarded to the Dumbasses in several categories of Dumbassery as shown throughout the year on these vary pages. And let me tell you, with over 300 dumbasses to choose from, this is a bunch of bullshit monumental undertaking. I vow to you fellow Dumbasses, not matter how daunting, no mater how treacherous, no matter how many quarters I have to flip to determine a winner, I shall tackle this challenge no matter the obstacles! Our first nominee for the coveted You Big Dummy Dumbass of the year award is….
The First Nominee
Our first potential recipient of this coveted award is Courtney Love. The former Mrs. Kurt Cobain. Coincidentally, the stoopid Hole (<—–bwahahahahaha, some of you will get the pun there), is till living off a dead guy’s name and his money, which is a perfect gig for Courtney because she is a no talent, drug abusin’, skinny ass bimbo whose home address is listed as “Rehab”. Hell, the bitch is nominated for the Big Dummy Award! How much lower can she fall? Baby, let me tell you, when you get nominated for Dummy by this blog, you have not only hit rock bottom, you have dug yourself a Hole (<—another funny, hahahaha) close enough to Hell to cook popcorn.
The Story that Got Courtney Love Here
This tale of romance knows no bounds, as told in this touching post.
Now that you read that and puked up your breakfast, you have an idea of what to expect during the Dummy nominating process. It ain’t purty, folks. It ain’t purty.