Category: Balloons

The Ballad of the Balloons and the Sea Turtles

Often Mistaken for Jelly Fish by Sea Turtles

As you know, there are dumbasses of every stripe breathing your air. But some of the biggest dumbasses are the Save the Earth/Animals dipshits. You know the kind. The dumbasses who pour paint on somebody wearing a fur coat. Or some numb nuts who sets car dealerships on fire to “save the world” from the scourge that is global warming, or should I say climate change? I don’t care, because climate change as these dumbasses define it, is a fucking hoax. As for the animal rights dumbasses, I like animals. I just like them medium rare or with a little mustard whatever the case may be. Since there’s not another planet we can send these dumbasses to and other things I’d like to see done to them are against the law, ridiculing them and showing them as the purveyors of hate for humans and violence against those who disagree with them idiots that they are, I shall ridicule them until my ass falls off from laughing. And my ass ain’t even loose yet. So in this particular post we are gonna be dealing with a Save the Animals Dumbass.

Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina is probably a good place to live. I’m sure it’s a town occupied by many good people. However, 60% of Wrightsville Beach’s elected officials are dumbasses. And I mean dumbasses. I arrived at that 60% figure like this : there are five aldermen who serve the citizens of Wrightsville Beach and three of them are dumbasses. Three is 60% of five. The reason that these three dickweeds are dumbasses is because they voted to outlaw balloons in the city! The ordinance in place says that if you are caught carrying a balloon while strolling the beach in Wrightsville Beach, you’ll be issued a citation for one hundred dollars! If you let your balloon float away into the wild blue yonder, that’s another $250! Of the three dumbass aldermen who voted for this law, one deserves “special” attention. her name is Lisa Weeks. She’s the dumbass who cast the deciding vote on this piece of shit bill. The Nanny State Liberation Front  picks it up from there: Weeks “said she did it “for the sea turtles.” She and her fellow balloon banners are convinced that sea turtles confuse deflated balloons for yummy jellyfish, resulting in suffocation and death.” I am not making this up! Ms. Weeks, as you can now see, is a Dumbass Cum Laude. And the fact that at least 50% plus one vote of the voters of Wrightsville Beach elected this moron, means that they ain’t exactly in line to receive Rhodes Scholarships.

I am curious as to how many dead sea turtles who have been suffocated by deflated balloons have washed ashore in Wrightsville Beach. One? Ten? I’ll go out on a limb here and say that the count is exactly ZERO. But that’s just me.

 A word of advice for the voters of Wrightsville Beach comes from a commenter on the NSLF. Miss Wynonna says, “Very simple…..Either VOTE them out next election cycle, OR start a recall pettion to get them removed from thier positions…..” Or write in Miss Wynonna’s name as an alternative to the three dumbasses who passed this ordinance. When she wins, celebrate by releasing a few hundreds helium-filled balloons into the air. Then if any sea turtles suffocated from deflated balloons wash ashore, make turtle soup. Dumbasses.